Sometimes all one needs for an “I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day” is a headline:

I Put My Penis in Your Oatmeal

:(((((((((((

Read the (sigh) details here. Hey, do you have a rant or confession that will probably make me sigh heavily and despair for the state of humanity? Send it to the I, Anonymous Blog—it puts a metaphorical penis in the oatmeal of your soul.

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)