Everyone has said or done something stupid under the influence of alcohol, but humble as I am, I must take the god damned cake for being an idiot while wasted.
I’m turning 22 in 3 days and have been abusing my liver for 10 years. With sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll, this girl who was trapped in a 1975 time capsule growing up, hasn’t missed a beat in what it feels like to be a rock and roll star AKA an alcoholic. I’ve been steadily and heavily drinking since I was 15, with breaks here and there, but since now I’m of legal drinking age in the States, I’ve turned to the bottle time and time again only to wake up the next morning bruised and thirsty.
Some mornings I wake up next to a stranger, in an unfamiliar place. In those specific situations I turn on my acting skills, call them, “Buddy”, “Honey”, or my personal favorite, “Hey, Stranger.”
This chaotic lifestyle is not appealing to anyone other than a reckless radical. Now I reflect on my stupid decisions as I’m turning 22 in 3 days like I said before. I wonder what its actual worth is right now. How do I weigh my experiences when they’re all drowned in booze? Portland, as a birthday present, riddle me this: When do you know it’s too much? I don’t want to wake up on the streets at 47 helplessly looking for Four Loko.

15 replies on “Last Night’s Party Was Crazy”

  1. Is this a character study of the disinterested and disaffected millenial? Sort of like what “There Will Be Blood” did for oil men and profiteers of the last century?

    Daniel Day Lewis is getting a little old to play a 17 year old alcoholic slut.

  2. You may not make it to 47 if you don’t find a way to quit or at least to cut way back. I like booze, but much too much of a good thing and you could be dead by 30. It happens.

    Try weed instead? You won’t black out, and you won’t get cirrhosis.

    Good luck to you. And happy birthday.

  5. In the last three years I’ve known two people who died just before they turned 40, and one at 49, all from booze. Continued, prolonged heavy use rips your body up. When your liver is wrecked, you turn into a skinny, shriveled up, yellow, sad version of your self who needs to get the fluid drained from your liver periodically because it can’t function anymore. The 49 year old died one night, liver already shot, when he began to bleed out from his nose, his eyes, his mouth. He died scared, broke (after having been worth about $40 million at one point), with a parasitic Ukrainian whore as his only companion, having decided that booze was more important than his family.

    I’m not making this up, and I’m not against alcohol. This is clearly to demonstrate that your body has limits. There are indeed consequences.

  6. It sounds like you already know that you’ve been drinking too much and it’s a problem. That’s an important first step. Now it’s up to you to fix it.

    Best of luck.

  8. Women tend to binge drink, blackout and go through the stages of alcoholism rather quickly. You can be in your early twenties and hit late stage and die young. get some help. you are ready.

  9. Drinking a boober-load of alcohol (see what I did there?) is practically a right of passage in your 20’s. Eventually, most people outgrow it and learn that being drunk doesn’t make you or anyone else as interesting or as fun as they thought it did (in reality, everything and everyone is actually suuuper boring, you just didn’t notice because drunk). After a lot of mistakes and embarrassing shit going down, some people learn moderation, other people develop a bit of a habit, some people stop drinking and are totally cool about it, some other people stop drinking and create a whole personae/identity/cult around it, other people quit and then write a book and get optioned for a film and become kind of famous, but most people reach their 47th birthday and become 4Loko fiending gutter drunks. Because deep deep down everyone is drunks.
    In the words of famed Canadian, Bryan Adams, search your heart, search your soul and if you want to avoid becoming a 4Loko gutter drunk these folks seem pretty knowledgeable. http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/

    Best of luck!

  13. You won’t die but your organs will give out before you’re 30. They will have to drain bottles of piss like fluid from your abdomen twice a month, overflowing from your failed liver. maybe a permanent tube to drain green bile into a bag from your gall bladder. then a few years later you will die. Try the legal weed here soon instead, that won’t hurt you.

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