Elinor Jones, Author at Portland Mercury

Movies & TV

Zoolander 2: A Film About Idiots, For Idiots

Yes, This Sequel Is Stupid, But So Are We ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Elinor JonesFebruary 10, 2016 10:00 amJuly 12, 2022 8:05 pm

Yes, this sequel is stupid, but so are we. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Movies & TV

The Fifth Wave: So, Who’s Up for Another YA Dystopia? Anyone? Anyone?

Elinor JonesJanuary 23, 2016 10:14 amJuly 12, 2022 8:05 pm

THE FIFTH WAVE In the dystopian future, cars shall be placed on top of other cars. Think of all the things you liked about Independence Day. Now think of all the things you hated about Twilight. These are good jumping-off points for the very bumpy viewing experience that is The Fifth Wave. The film is […]

Movies & TV

Use Your Brain Waves!

JK. The Fifth Wave Is Dumb.

Elinor JonesJanuary 20, 2016 9:00 amJuly 12, 2022 8:05 pm

JK. The Fifth Wave is dumb.

Movies & TV

Adam Sandler’s The Ridiculous 6 Is the Most-Watched Movie on Netflix. I Watched It. All of It.

Elinor JonesJanuary 11, 2016 11:44 amJuly 12, 2022 8:05 pm

Two hours. One star. Taylor Lautner’s face = my face. Because he is a horrible person, the Mercury’s managing editor, Erik Henriksen, requested that I review Adam Sandler’s Netflix original movie The Ridiculous 6. And because apparently I hate myself, I said yes. So I watched it, and I wrote about it, and if you […]

Movies & TV

A Pleasant Evening Spent Appreciating Art and Capitalism

Elinor JonesNovember 27, 2015 11:14 amJuly 12, 2022 8:04 pm

2015 BRITISH ARROWS AWARDS Finally, a chance to pay money to be advertised to! With my Netflix and my Hulu, I, like most of you, can smugly avoid most commercials. Are they any good these days? I doubt it, and I’m sure whatever crap they’re flinging doesn’t hold a candle to the wonderful advertising that […]

Movies & TV

You Won’t Believe What the British Arrows Awards Did!

Did I Get You to Click Through? I Could Be an Advertiser!

Elinor JonesNovember 25, 2015 4:20 pmJuly 12, 2022 8:04 pm

Did I get you to click through? I could be an advertiser!

Movies & TV

Now That’s a Man Cave!

Elinor JonesNovember 12, 2015 11:14 amJuly 12, 2022 8:04 pm

THE 33 “We might be trapped under a mountain, but at least our Magic Mike cosplay is on point.” The day they started pulling the Chilean miners out of a collapsed mine in October 2010 was a very exciting day. It was one of those few news stories everybody was happy about. Afterward, the miners […]

Movies & TV

The 33: Now That’s a Man Cave! (Sorry.)

So… Who Wants to Be Trapped Underground for Like… Ever?

Elinor JonesNovember 11, 2015 4:20 pmJuly 12, 2022 8:04 pm

Watching this movie is just like being trapped underground with no hope of escape!

Movies & TV

Suffragette Review: Never Has Women’s Suffrage Been So Boring

Elinor JonesNovember 6, 2015 10:14 amJuly 12, 2022 8:04 pm

SUFFRAGETTE “This is great and all, but I’m just trying to find a Starbucks.” In a tense moment in Suffragette, famed women’s rights activist Emmeline Pankhurst (Meryl Streep) bellows, “We don’t want to be lawbreakers; we want to be lawmakers!” to the cheers of women below. It’s one of approximately 30 highly quotable lines peppered […]