Elinor Jones, Author at Portland Mercury

Movies & TV

The Return of the Queen

Maleficent Is a Badass Bitch—For Kids!

Elinor JonesMay 28, 2014 1:00 pmJuly 12, 2022 7:56 pm

Maleficent is a badass bitch—for kids!

Movies & TV

I’m Not Mad, Just Disappointed

I Wish We Deserved Better Than Blended

Elinor JonesMay 21, 2014 4:00 pmJuly 12, 2022 7:55 pm

I wish we deserved better than Blended.

Movies & TV

Hipster Twilight

Only Lovers Left Alive and Only Cool Vampires Allowed

Elinor JonesApril 30, 2014 1:00 pmJuly 12, 2022 7:55 pm

Only Lovers Left Alive and only cool vampires allowed.

Movies & TV

The Fast and the Obvious

Need for Speed: Yes Indeed!

Elinor JonesMarch 12, 2014 4:00 amJuly 12, 2022 7:54 pm

Need for Speed: Yes indeed!

Movies & TV

Yes, It’s True: It’s the Academy Awards Live-Blog!

Elinor JonesMarch 2, 2014 3:45 pmJuly 12, 2022 7:54 pm

THE OSCARS. At left: an Oscar; at right: my dog, Oscar Hello, everybody, and welcome to the only Oscars live-blog! I am blogging from my friends’ Oscars party, where I have graciously demanded the best seat, and I fully plan on thanklessly stealing their funniest jokes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m a good friend. Heads up, I am […]

Join Me for the Academy Awards Live-Blog!

Elinor JonesFebruary 28, 2014 10:44 amJuly 12, 2022 9:23 pm

I would like to thank the Academy for giving me an Oscar wearing a chain and a hat. The fun starts at 4pm, and goes until we all get too bored or angry or drunk (or all of the above.) See you Sunday!

Movies & TV

Garbage Day

About Last Night: In Which I Take Cupid’s Arrow and Stab Myself in the Eyes

Elinor JonesFebruary 12, 2014 4:00 amJuly 12, 2022 7:54 pm

About Last Night: In which I take Cupid’s arrow and stab myself in the eyes.

Movies & TV

That Awkward Broment

That Awkward Moment: Worst. Date Night. Ever.

Elinor JonesJanuary 29, 2014 4:00 amJuly 12, 2022 7:54 pm

That Awkward Moment: Worst. Date Night. Ever.

It’s the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Liveblog!

Elinor JonesNovember 28, 2013 8:53 amJuly 12, 2022 8:55 pm

Good morning friends, family, lovers, enemies, cats, dogs, etc., and welcome to the television event of right now! Put off some of your holiday obligations and hang out with me for the next few hours. PARADE! 8:56 I’ll be watching on NBC. And fair warning, I haven’t had a lot of coffee yet. 9:00 Here […]

Join Me Tomorrow for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Liveblog!

Elinor JonesNovember 27, 2013 1:29 pmJuly 12, 2022 8:55 pm

Happy Thanksgiving Eve, everybody! It’s me, Joneser, here to announce that tomorrow morning I’ll be live-blogging the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade right here on Blogtown. I did this a couple of years ago and it was a hoot. Since I’m not responsible for cooking any real food this year (and because I have a lot […]