If you’ve been reading the newspapers (which, by the way, I never do–colossal waste of time), you’ve probably noticed the dramatic upswing of KA-RAZY behavior. I’m not going to list any specific examples because, as mentioned earlier, I don’t read the newspapers. However, I’ve heard from acquaintances who do read the newspapers that lots of […]
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang.
Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)
Posted inMovies & TV
A Beautiful Depression
Coen Bros. Collapse Underneath Philosophy
The Man Who Wasn’t There dir. Coen Opens Fri Nov 2 Various Theaters It’s official: The Coen brothers have their heads stuck firmly inside their own asses–but at least they do a nice job of it. Ever since the brilliant debut of their murder-iffic thriller Blood Simple in 1984, the Coens have positioned themselves as […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
Superboy, 90210
O, the joys of puberty! And for those unfamiliar with medical jargon, “puberty” is a Latin word meaning “Hey, look! I’m growin’ pubes!” Ahhh, yes. I remember fondly when I found my first pube [cue stupid Garrison Keillor music]. I was seven years old. Sure, that seems a little young to go through puberty, but […]
Posted inMusic
Remembrance of Days Past
Kiss the Devils Goodbye
Murder City Devilsw/ Botch, American Steel Tues Oct 30 Crystal Ballroom Murder City Devils fans Prepare to shed a tear. After this upcoming Portland appearance (and one more in Seattle), the band will be officially kaput. Naturally, it’s a fucking bummer, because as a long-standing fan of this Seattle group, I’ve often enjoyed the Devils’ […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
MacGyver: America’s Only Hope
Just in case there’s any confusion, let me clear up something RIGHT NOW: If anybody tries to send me mail with anthrax in it–I’m going to kick your ass! That goes for e-mails, too!! I’m sure many of you are wondering, “Humpy, baby! I loves that sweet and juicy ham! Why would anyone want to […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Stop That Monkey!
Re-Released Iron Monkey Saves the Day
Iron Monkey dir. Wo Ping Opens Fri Oct 12 Various Theaters Desperate times call for desperate comic measures. In these bluesy days following the WTC tragedy and bombings in Afghanistan, Hollywood studios should be trying harder than ever to get back to their original aim: providing entertainment. Unfortunately, they’re too busy erasing twin towers (or […]
Posted inUncategorized
Pan Mexicano
Pan Mexicano 1465 NE Prescott WARNING: I’m about to describe a food that may send you reeling in horror… but I swear to God, it’s delish. No, it’s not brains… and no, it’s not dangly bits from the undercarriage of a cow. It’s corn. On the cob. Which is not disgusting, right? Anyone disgusted by […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
The Evil CIA vs. the Real CIA
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-DOGGY! Things sure have been krazy-krappy for the last few weeks, haven’t they? I mean, things were going along just fine (in actuality, things were pretty goddam boring) and then, without any warning, KABLOOEY! A robotic monkey sticks you in a box of laundry detergent and ships you off to a hippie commune. Suddenly, it’s […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
I Want My Cartoonies!!
All right relax everybody! Humpy is back in the hizz-ouse, and that goddam robotic monkey who tried to bury me in a box of laundry detergent is now a pile of screws and wires that looks like somebody blew up a Radio Shack. (If you missed the last few columns, the confusion you feel is […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
The Return of… Mysterio!
OKAY! As those who read last week’s column know, I bought me a psychic computerized monkey called Mysterio, the Psychic Computerized Monkey! Its task? To correctly predict the success and/or failure of the new fall television shows. And I would like to say that my new robotic monkey pal was a complete success! But I […]
Posted inNews
With Deadly Intent
Dr. Todd Curtis on the Modern Hijacker
In 1996, an Ethiopian airliner, flight 767, was hijacked by three people without the benefit of any weapons. They took over the aircraft with what was available on the plane itself; in this case, fire extinguishers. The airline pilots were taken out of their seats, and the plane was put on automatic pilot. The plane […]