Male’s here! Jon Ritzheimer wants you to stop sending your “hate mail,” to the militia holed up at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. And by hate mail, Ritzheimer means dildos and other assorted dicks. Ritzheimer is one of the douchenozzles self-styled patriots who, a little more than a week ago, commandeered a deserted building in […]
Hillbilly
Posted inTV
Today in Casual Racism: I Don’t Think Paula Deen Learned Her Lesson
After all that mess in which diabetes-causing Food Network star Paula Deen was caught spewing racial epithets and then went on TV to blubberingly apologize for it, you’d think… YOU’D THINK… that she wouldn’t tweet a photo of her family dressed up like the cast of I Love Lucy—with her son front and center in […]
Posted inTV
TV Land Yanks Dukes of Hazzard, and a Confederate Merchandise Roundup
Courtesy Warner Bros. Looks like the General Lee has finally encountered a hurdle it can’t jump. The New York Post reports that TV Land—the network known for showing classic television shows—will no longer be airing episodes of the ’80s hillbilly show The Dukes of Hazzard. From the NYP: The network declined to comment on why […]
Posted inFood and Drink
Pigs or People: Which is for Dinner?
What do you “purpose,” readers? Pigs will eat anything. Pigs will eat people. Case in point: Yesterday, a Medford-area woman was convicted of murdering two men and feeding their corpses to her pigs. Gross, right? Well, yeah, except what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Or, more correctly, what’s good for the […]
Posted inMedia
“Welfare Queen in a Cowboy Hat”
Now that Fox News is doing a reverse 180 power slide away from former “American hero” (now just regular old hillbilly racist) Cliven Bundy, CNN has happily agreed to provide Bundy with his public 40 lashings. Here’s the network’s Bill Weir grilling the simple-minded Bundy—which admittedly is like tipping the cows Bundy was trying to […]
Posted inVideo
Watch Some Skateboarder Pee in the Mount Tabor Reservoir!
When this happened three years ago—some butthole peed in the Mount Tabor Reservoir, forcing the grossed-out city decided to dump the whole thing out—everyone lost their minds. Hate mail poured in. And the city’s water bureau found itself fielding calls from national comedic television programs. I guess Portland really has changed since 2011. Because the […]
Posted inHorrors
Please Don’t Feed the Alligators
Ah, Florida: (Via Cynical-C, which also posted this video of a brave libertarian battle against the tyranny of old crossing guards.)
Posted inPolitics
Duck Dynasty Star Suspended; Conservative Cry Fowl (GET IT?!?)
As you may have heard, A&E has suspended Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson for spouting some not-very-surprising hillbilly homophobia in an interview, including that tired old saw of comparing homosexuality to bestiality. HEE-HAW! HEE-HAW! (This is what happens when networks base much of their schedule around reality shows about undereducated country folk. It’s funny! Until […]
Posted inHillbilly
Play Bass? Like Nickelback? Read This.
Behold the most astonishing Craigslist you will see today. I shall copy it in full, because it may very well be a joke—it’s that incredible—and if that’s the case, it will probably get taken down pretty soon. (Here’s the link to it.) NICKELBACK TRIBUTE SEEKING THE RADDEST BASS PLAYER (Clackamas) This is the actual image […]
Posted inHillbilly
What Do Republican Commenters Think of the Shutdown Deal?
Man oh man do Republican commenters hate the Senate’s shutdown deal. Here’s a sampling of comments from the National Review story about the deal: McConnell and Boehner are finished as Leaders! McConnell may not return at all and Boehner will be replaced by a leader not an establishment pimp!! Cruz September 19: “I will do […]
Posted inNews
Council Follows Novick's Charge Against "Soviet-Style" Walmart
Despite some expected harrumphing from the Oregonian‘s editorial board—which wrote an exaggerated piece this week defending Walmart as an unfairly maligned target of misguided progressives—the Portland City Council this morning unanimously and enthusiastically followed Commissioner Steve Novick’s lead and agreed to stop investing city assets in Walmart. “This may seem like a little thing,” Commissioner […]
Posted inHillbilly
Get Yer Tickets for the CHILI JAMBOREE! Yeee-haww!
If you’re American, you love two things: 1) Shit-kickin’ country music and 2) delicious, steaming bowls of chili! Now these two deeply American things come together in one awesome local event—the Portland Mercury‘s Chili Jamboree! We’re bringing together spicy, savory, slow-cooked chili from Portland’s best celebrity chefs, and adding a full deck of boot-scootin’ country […]