One of the great tropes of low-budget TV ads for colleges is the “snap” teleportation. SNAP! You’re in the computer lab! SNAP! You’re in the student lounge! However, things go a bit (and by “a bit” I mean “insanely”) awry when Henry and Aaron use teleportation to explore the Central Institute of Technology. (If you’ve […]
Horrors
Posted inHorrors
Chris Brown: I’m Glad He’s Able to Laugh About It
So according to Us magazine, unrepentant girlfriend beater Chris Brown has a brand new pickup line that he used at the Grammies! Chris Brown — who pleaded guilty in 2009 for felony assault for hitting then-girlfriend Rihanna — confidently approached an attractive brunette Feb. 10 at the Lasio Professional Hair Care suite Grammy gift lounge […]
Posted inCrime
When Hearts Attack!
Lilliput Station … and his Magic Band! Nothing says I love you like a nice big heart, right? Some pour souls who live on the 2300 block of NW Flanders might beg to differ. They wound up calling the cops this morning, the day after Valentine’s Day, after finding exactly that on their doorstep: a […]
Posted inReligion
Kirk Cameron Makes Doc About America’s “Growing Pains” (GET IT?!?!?)
You know, I think it’s unfair that us devil worshippers have all the awesome celebrities on our side (Louis CK, Emma Stone, Ernest Borgnine) while Christians barely have anybody. But the “anybody” they DO have is pretty awesome, and that “anybody” is KIRK MOTHER-BONING CAMERON—best known as Mike Seaver from Growing Pains, and star of […]
Posted inFood and Drink
“I Might Have Tacos”
East Haven Connecticut Mayor Joe Maturo is under fire after four of his police officers were arrested, accused of illegally targeting Latinos with unlawful traffic stops, searches and seizures, and even physical abuse. So how does the mayor respond to a TV reporter’s question about what he plans to do for the Latino community? “I […]
Posted inHorrors
Okay, Guys… Seriously. Who’s Fucking with Canada?
According to HuffPo, some kind of weird, unearthly super loud howling has been heard in different remote places around Canada, and it’s scaring the poop into people’s pants! Two bizarre — yet oddly similar — videos of howling have been recorded in separate parts of Canada, capturing the imagination of YouTube viewers and skeptics alike. […]
Posted inTheater & Performance
Evil Dead: The Musical. I’m Sorry.
Umm, I owe y’all an apology. Evil Dead: The Musical, a pick for yesterday’s My, What a Busy Week!, is pretty bloody awful. God, I wanted to like it—I really truly did. I heart Evil Dead to the bottom of my rapey-tree roots, but this was just an endurance test. It was 2.25 hours of […]
Posted inHealth
“It Appears You Have Coughed Up Your Cancer. Congratulations.”
So said the UK doctor to the woman whose aggressive throat and mouth cancer was undetectable after a productive coughing fit. From the Daily Mail: Claire Osborn went on holiday for two weeks with her lorry driver husband Kevin, 53, and when she returned home in November, doctors told she had cancer. “They said the […]
Posted inLuv
Local Paper Encourages Human-on-Pet Love
As you know, the Mercury has been publishing free reader valentines in our annual Valentine’s Issue since way back in 2000. And we’ll be doing it again this year, too! See next week’s ish for details. Anyway, it’s a fun idea, which I’m sure is why the Willamette Week is also giving it a shot. […]
Posted inTheater & Performance
Win Tickets to Evil Dead the Musical!
Who wants two tickets to see the “disarmingly funny” Evil Dead the Musical this Saturday at 10 pm at the Wonder Ballroom? You do? How’s about you send me an email with the subject line “Groovy.” I’ll pick a winner at random tomorrow around 3 pm. Please make sure you can come pick up the […]
Posted inHorrors
Today in “Moist Heat”
If there’s one thing your tired, achey feet love, it’s “moist heat.” AMIRITE? That’s why you need to get your moist booty in gear and buy these hot, moist Hot Booties™ microwavable slippers. The latest in technological moist technology make these Hot Booties™ the moistest, hottest slippers your cold, moist-less feet have ever felt! So […]