Who watched American Horror Story last night? And if you did, will you join me in saying, “WHAT THE FREAK WAS THAT?” I’d be hard pressed to think of another basic cable debut that was filthier, disturbing, and more audacious than Ryan “Glee” Murphy’s new psychosexual, campy horror story. I don’t have time to unpack […]
Horrors
Posted inTV
It’s on TV Tonight: American Horror Story
Slip that butcher knife underneath the couch pillow, because tonight marks the debut of the new Ryan “Glee, Nip/Tuck” campy psychosexual spook fest, American Horror Story (FX, 10 pm). Here’s a description from this week’s I Love Television™: The plot: An unhappily married couple (Connie Britton and Dylan McDermott) and their teen daughter (Taissa Farmiga) […]
Posted inHorrors
Here’s Your Halloween Costume: Thor Girl
I know you’re already looking for a Halloween costume. So I found this one for you: THOR GIRL. I have some questions about Thor Girl: 1) I was going to ask “Is there any Marvel Universe where Thor Girl actually exists?” As it turns out, THERE ACTUALLY IS! So here’s my backup question: Why does […]
Posted inHorrors
AAAAAUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHAAAAAHHH—
—AAAAAAAUAUAUUAAAAAHHAAAUHHHHHHHHHHH KILLLL ITTTTTT (Via.)
Posted inTV
A Walking Dead Talk Show? Ummm…. Okaaaaay.
AMC—the home to TV’s zombie-rific show The Walking Dead—has announced their plans to launch a live half-hour Walking Dead talk show entitled Talking Dead (GET IT?!?) to debut on October 16th immediately following the encore presentation of the fall premiere. Ummm… ohhhh-kaaaay. The show will be hosted by the fairly amusing Chris Hardwick (Web Soup) […]
Posted inHorrors
Calling All Vampires
Everyday at 3 pm I search Craigslist for my one true interest in life, so imagine my surprise when I see this listing. LIVING THE VAMPIRE, GOTH OR OCCULT LIFESTYLE? (Portland) — ARE YOU IN THE VAMPIRE COMMUNITY AND A LOVED ONE WANTS YOU OUT?— IS ONE OF YOUR CLOSE RELATIVES OR FRIENDS INTO THE […]
Posted inTransportation
Why Sometimes It’s Okay to Drive Recklessly
As you know, Portlanders are obsessed with transportation issues (in particular the issue of people running them over). That’s why I insist that everyone in town watch this PSA, which handily demonstrates why sometimes it’s okay to drive a bit on the reckless side. via, and for the best YouTube comments accompanying this video, hit […]
Posted inCrime
Hooters Vampire Attack Too Depressing to Think About
MSNBC delivers what might be the most fucked-up news to come out of Florida today: A self-proclaimed vampire attacked an elderly wheelchair-bound man outside a Florida Hooters Restaurant just before midnight on Thursday, leaving him bloodied and in need of stitches, police said. Milton Ellis, 69, had fallen asleep on the porch of the deserted […]
Posted inMedia
Perky Eunuchs
Perky eunuch. Male meteorologists at local TV stations are well-groomed, presentable, and handsome-but-not-sexy guys with nice hair and twinkly eyes. They’re guys that nice girls could picture bringing home to mom but not guys that moms could picture slamming it into nice girls. I’m thinking it can’t be a coincidence that so many local TV […]
Posted inHorrors
Man Impales Eye on Garden Shears (with Video!)
Just the other day I was explaining to my daughter that severe injuries are always funnier if they’re described as the result of a “freak gardening accident.” So true, so true.
Posted inTV
New Portlandia Trailer and Lap Giraffes
Look, I don’t have a lot of time for this “blogging” thing today, okay? I’m a busy… motherfucking… dude. That’s why I’m going to combine two blog posts into one, and so what if I do, there is not a single reason in the world I shouldn’t. Okay, so blog post-within-a-blog post #1: Here’s a […]
Posted inTech
“Run, (Robot) Forrest! RUN!!”
Question: What’s going to happen when all those freaking nutso Japanese inventors who have independently been working on various horrifying robot parts, finally get together? Introducing (for your displeasure and horror) the final piece of the puzzle: disembodied running robot legs. Now all they have to do is attach this to the legs, and I’ll […]