*Bark* *Please kill me* *Bark* *Bark* Zombies, pirates, zombies, pirates, zombies, pirates… sometimes Portland’s quirkiness and steadfast desire to stay weird gets a little predictable. Case in point, the Portland Pirate Festival which is celebrating its sixth (!) year of saying the word “Yar” on September 3-4 at the Historic Waterfront in St Helens, OR—of […]
Horrors
Posted inSex
Introducing… My Newest Sex Toy
An astute Seattle reader sent this in after seeing it in a Ballard supermarket: Sure, I suppose one could use it for fishing… however, I’ll be using it to augment my already formidable sexual technique. Which begs the question:
Posted inMusic
Mötley Crüe: Unforgivable
It’s forgivable to not be aware that Mötley Crüe is playing a show in the Portland area tonight. It’s forgivable not knowing that it’s at the Sleep Country Amphitheater, in Clark County, Washington, which seems too embarrassed to even mention the show on its website. It’s forgivable to have no clue that the shamefully grotesque […]
Posted inTV
Monster Watch: “Pay” TV Will Murder You in Your Sleep
Let’s take a quick visit to the quaint “olden days,” shall we? Back in the 1970s, the networks were scared poop-less over a growing menace known as “pay TV” AKA “cable TV.” That’s why they decided to make the following PSA which compares pay TV to monsters—because just like today, the networks are nothing if […]
Posted inTech
Lonely? Maybe This Creepy Moving Pillow Can Help!
Hey, some people don’t like to sleep alone… I get that. But I’m really not sure that a creepy moving robot pillow is the answer. Check this out! As part of his graduate thesis, German designer Stefan Ulrich worked with electroactive polymers (EPAs), a type of synthetic material—similar to everyday plastic—that changes shape in response […]
Posted inTransportation
Umm… Pardon Me, But I’d Like this Motherfucking Bat Off This Motherfucking Plane.
There are plenty of videos on the internet where people should not be losing their shit, but are. And then there are videos like this one where people most definitely SHOULD be losing their shit, but aren’t. Ladies and gentlemen: BAT ON A PLANE.
Posted inPolitics
What’s Scarier than Michele Bachmann?
There’s a ton of hullaballoo today from the conservative circles, who (poor dears) think once again they’re being mercilessly picked on because of this Newsweek cover featuring presidential never-gonna-be Michele Bachmann. And…. umm… okay. She does look crazy. And I’m sure Newsweek had better photos than this one. And I bet they photoshop people to […]
Posted inFood and Drink
Day of the Undead Squid (Or, That’s Your Dinner)
Okay, I can deal with zombie squids. But zombie squids in my soup? NOT OKAY! And, OH FUCK!! THIS ONE’S EVEN WORSE!!!These culinary nightmares brought to you by Eater.
Posted inHorrors
That’ll Do, Talking Racist Dennis Miller Doll. That’ll Do.
Our Republican cat has a new favorite toy Looking to kill some time before Lost Lander took the stage on Saturday afternoon for their (quite excellent) PDX Pop Now! set, the better half and I went exploring the vast aisles of unwanted goods at City Liquidators. While walking there, I regaled my wife about the […]
Posted inMedia
Text Messages from the Massacre
BBC News has an amazing series of texts sent between a teenager on the island of Utoeya and her mother during the killing spree that left 68 dead. (The texter is not among the fatalities.) Read them all here.
Posted inPuppy
My Bark Will Go On
Get in on the canine-memorializing fun at the Titanic Museum in Branson, MO.
Posted inMovies & TV
Something that Should Not Exist: Glee: The 3D Concert Movie Trailer!
I waited until after lunch to post this—because I didn’t want to put anyone off their soup. BEHOLD! It’s the new trailer for Glee: The 3D Concert Movie! Here’s what I learned about the world and myself from watching it:1) I enjoy inflicting pain upon others. (Hence this blog post.)2) The world is an ugly […]