MTV just released the following emergency report: The Black Eyed Peas have officially announced they will never play their hit single “My Humps” again. Here’s what Will.i.am had to say about what will surely be regarded in the future as a turning point in the history of humankind. “For a while, [we did] “My Humps” […]
PANIC!
Posted inPANIC!
You Have to Pick One
Rep. Gabrielle Giffords is a gun owner. Maybe there should be an “all of the above” box on that t-shirt.
Posted inSex
America, Meet Your New Yellow Dinosaur Pedophile Hunter
Move over, Chris Hansen! Now there’s a pedophile hunter who’s not only yellow—and a dinosaur—but he actually gets results! (And I know this, because the big yellow dino broke into my office today to demand all my Justin Bieber posters. And why did he keep calling me “Charming”? I mean, I know I’m handsome and […]
Posted inPANIC!
Don’t Drink the Water. Or Do
Yet more evidence of how widespread the contamination from the Fukushima nuclear disaster is: The government ordered Fukushima and three other prefectures Monday to suspend shipments of spinach and another leaf vegetable following the detection of radioactive substances in the produce at levels beyond legal limits, while trace amounts of radioactive substances were detected in […]
Posted inPortland
Severe Thunderstorm Warning! (According to the Lady Outside My Window)
So I just heard a lady outside my office window say to some of my co-workers, “There’s supposed to be a severe thunderstorm heading this way, so be careful!” My co-workers replied, “Yeah… whatever… I’ll get an umbrella or something whatever smoke some pot.”Anyway, I’ve come to trust random voices I hear outside my window, […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Feeling a Little Sleepy This Afternoon?
WAKE UP!!!! IT’S BRUCE DERN SCREAMING WHILE HOLDING A BAYONET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted inPANIC!
Re: Oregon: We’re Due for “The Big One.”
Recent talk about the likelihood of a major earthquake in Oregon—including Sarah’s post yesterday—has made me acutely aware of how completely unprepared my household is for any kind of disaster. So, in the interest of combating anxiety with practical measures, this weekend my roommates and I will be putting together an emergency kit. My friend […]