I was a bit down on the iPad before its unveiling on Wednesday. I said some cynical things at our weekly editor’s meeting, sure, but from the reaction of my co-workers, you would’ve thought I was suggesting the Pope Steve Jobs shove his pointy hat up his own ass (not that I’d ever say anything […]
Tech
Posted inTech
Haters Gotta Hate
First, let me say this: I was disappointed by the iPad. I was hoping Jobs had figured out a different kind of interface with a keyboardless computer, something that would make the iPhone look as old-fashioned as the iPhone made every smartphone that came before it. But this iPad backlash is getting ridiculous. Let’s look […]
Posted inVideo Games
Ye Olde iPad, Video Games, And Absolutely No Tampon Jokes
Apple Inc. “Incens’d with indignation Satan stood unterrified, and like a comet burn’d, that fires the length of Ophiucus huge In th’ arctic sky, and from his horrid hair shakes pestilence and war.” Yesterday, when Steve Jobs walked up on stage and opened his (Apple) pie hole to make the iPad a reality, you could […]
Posted inTech
Why the iPad Is Named the iPad.
Look. Just saying. I mean, that’s a way cooler thing for the tablet to be named after than these, right? Also, I wish they’d announce the goddamn price already. $499-$829. Everything else you want to know about the iPad here.
Posted inTech
It’s Official: Apple’s “Latest Creation” Coming Next Wednesday
Everybody already knew this was happening, and everybody already knows that this “latest creation” is going to be some kind of tablet computer (OR IS IT?), but Apple has now officially acknowledged they’re having an event next Wednesday, and that they’ve created something. SOMETHING! The painty theme of the invitation is sure to spawn a […]
Posted inVideo Games
Xbox 360 News From An Event I Did Not Attend
Hey Internet! Thanks for all the info from last night’s big Xbox 360 presentation at CES 2010! You totally saved me the trouble of actually going to Vegas on my employer’s dime and enjoying this stupid job! Microsoft Project Natal Enough of my petulant bitching. You came here to hear all about how Microsoft’s console […]
Posted inTech
Nexus One (AKA Google Phone) Is Official
Everybody already knew, but now Google has officially, really, seriously announced the Nexus One, a new Android handset made by HTC running a new version of Android, deliciously named Eclair. Engadget has a complete hands-on review. Let the “it’s the iPhone killer” and the “it’s not the iPhone killer” wars begin. (Hint: You’re both wrong.)
Posted inTech
Google Phone, Shmoogle Shmone! I’ll Take 1983, Please.
The much anticipated Google Phone is expected to be unveiled later this morning at CES 2010—but I’m ALREADY disappointed, and why shouldn’t I be? When will technology EVER catch up to the wondrous dreams we had for the future back in 1983?
Posted inTech
Y2K10 is Coming! With Jesus! Look Busy!
PANIC, YOU GUYS! Y2K10 is coming, and our computers are gonna shut down, and our kitchen sinks won’t turn on, and our traffic lights will blink like it’s some kind of goddamn disco, and Jesus will swoop down from heaven to take away the just, while the rest of us are left behind with sinks […]
Posted inPolitics
Germans Take Over Sam Adams’ Website
Scheisse! Mayor Sam Adams’ old website, Commissioner Sam.com has been taken over by a German site-squatter! Commissioner Sam cares about your beauty care needs! BabelFish translates part of the first paragraph as, “Not one hair (except natural at the scalp) is desired on the bright skin. The figure must a tendency be ideal and/or may […]
Posted inNews
Tweeting The Massacre
So here’s an odd combination of Twitter posts: Thanks to erstwhile Mercury freelancer Kiala Kazebee for the link. The author appears to be an insider at Fort Hood in Texas, where twelve are dead and 31 wounded in a shooting spree so far this afternoon. Nice reasoned reaction from Business Insider: There are unconfirmed reports […]
Posted inDrunk
Fake Internet vs. Fake Internet… WHO YA GOT?!?
DAMMIT. Their fake internet Halloween costume is better than our fake internet Halloween costume. Curse you Asians and unknowing slut! WE’LL GET YOU NEXT YEAR!!