Did you guys know Canada has a Vancouver too? And it’s WAY better than ours. We should build a giant Columbia River Crossing that skips Washington altogether and lets off in British Columbia.
Before I went I couldn’t have told you if British Columbia was more like Narnia or actual Columbia. I’m happy to report it’s like the former, but more technologically advanced. In fact, the technology in Vancouver was so impressive, we need to NAFTA some of their ideas ASAP.
[1] Credit Card Machines
Every restaurant I ate at had these great portable credit card machines that they brought to our tables. It included a brilliant option for tipping either by amount or percentage, which advances my goal of never learning how to do long division.
[2] Money Business
If you prefer cash, you’re in luck too. Canadian dollars, despite being worth only 96% of what our dollars are worth (plus foreign transaction fees), are far superior dollars. Brilliantly colorful with transparent windows on bigger denominations and including pictures of animals (cute!) and even kids playing hockey (adorable!).
[3] Jaunty Crosswalks!
Look at this American crosswalk guy:
He’s all business. Head down, he’s got places to go and people to be rude to.
Now look at this Canadian crosswalk:
He’s so jaunty! His head is back, his arms are up, everywhere he goes he says “Haters gonna hate!”
You can’t cross a street angrily in Canada.
[4] Rollerblade Lanes
Vancouvrians love their rollerblading! They love it so much, they dedicate separate lanes for ice-less skating. This isn’t so much a technological accomplishment as an emotional one, with a whole city agreeing to not make fun of people for rollerblading.
[5] SkyTrain
Instead of the painfully slow MAX (GroundTrain), Canadian light rail is so light it’s floating in the sky! But the height isn’t the impressive part, it’s that SkyTrain is entirely driven by robots! In addition to being incredibly awesome, it also means trains arrive every couple minutes. That’s unfathomable in Portland given that it takes more than a couple minutes for each MAX to adjust itself at every stop before opening its doors.
I know it’s going to be hard to find funding for a CRC all the way to the better Vancouver, but it’ll be worth it. Even with the fights over a SkyTrain lane AND a rollerblading lane.
I think the credit card machines at the table are incredibly tacky, but it is fast/easy.
ha ha, an AMERICAN just tried to call Canada tacky.
I enjoy the credit card machine’s ability to automatically calculate and add the tip as a percentage to the bill. Math is for dumbass nerds.
Just don’t go during the NHL playoffs if the Canucks are losing
Oh yeah, our crosswalk guys look like angry, scoliotic business jerks.
There oughta be a law for our crosswalk people to be skipping. That’ll show those uppity Canadians.
Too bad their beer is shitty and stupidly expensive.
Vancouver is a very pretty and fun city though. Make a weekend of it or something.
And our beer is….? Isn’t Molson just Canadian Coors?
Wait, Canada has agreed to take all our extra comedians?
Mass transit that moves people efficiently and quickly what a concept! An economy that works so the folks can afford that expensive beer with out a second thought. A population that enjoys new technology. Oh they’re just a little closer to that Vancouver in BC Canada.
The cc machine is for the customer’s security, your card never gets out of your sight!
@Aj, that’s as strong an argument as saying Oregon’s fuel attendants are necessary for public safety at the pumps.
Canadian dollars may look better than ours, but they melt. Also, no pennies.
Canananananada is not the floating fairy island in the sky all of the misguided dweebs down here seem to think it is. I lived there for almost 4 years. If you think Vancouver is so progressive hang out on the Lower Eastside for a couple hours after dark (or during the day, doesn’t really matter) or go stay in Surrey for a weekend. Or, better yet, go stay somewhere in the vast emptiness that constitutes 99% of the frozen wasteland that is Canada and try interacting with some of the locals that reside there.
Seriously what is with the melting currency? Its just odd.
@ albert on 08/27/2013 at 3:39 PM:
It’s time the US got rid of both pennies and the dollar bill. Pennies because they are fucking worthless, and dollar bills because they are ridiculously expensive to keep in circulation and have a short circulation life.
I found it basically impossible to get bored on my trip to Van. I highly suggest the Melting Point glass blowing shop, (there is a secret “smoothie” bar in the back, heh heh..) Idk if the New Amsterdam Café is still there but that place was pretty epic. Accidentally ended up on the wrong side of Hastings St for a few moments tho…that place is a scary ghetto. Ppl tossing drugs out of windows to be sold on the st, unwieldy homeless bearing shanks, etc. So avoid that at all costs.
4th grade *was* tough, Graham. I’m not judging you.