I, Anonymous
Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE and leave out the names of the guilty and innocent. The views and opinions stated here are not necessarily those of the Mercury.
I’m Sick of Waiting for the Government
[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds]
This economy sucks, and elected officials seem too busy (privatizing public institutions, giving free money to those who already have plenty, or pocketing taxpayer dollars) to help. I’m done waiting for them to act, I’m taking matters into my own hands, and I’d want you to join me.
Many revolutionaries look forward to a better world, I refuse to accept that we can’t make one now. Our city has problems that we could all contribute to solving today, and without too much effort. While we obviously can’t fix everything, here are 3 things we can do now.
First: don’t fuck it up. We live here together, and some of us put chewing gum on bus signs. Some of us leave trash behind. Some folks break windows. Knock that all off. If you see your neighbor doing these things, remind them that this gives cover to shitty politicians who want to cut all of the budgets. If nobody breaks a window on a TriMet train, then TriMet doesn’t have to dip into their already shallow budget, that Salem should fund better, to fix a broken window.
Second: don’t walk over the mess. There’s a good amount of litter in our community. Pick some up. Salem and city hall should do more, but they’re too busy cutting checks to private businesses. Is something broken that you could fix? Fix it. If you see gum on a bus sign, find a piece of paper (there’s probably some nearby), take it off and throw it in one of the bins that are probably nearby. It won’t be “clean,” but it will be better.
Third: be a good neighbor to everybody. We have thousands of people in our community with serious problems beyond their control. They may be unhoused, they may have drug problems, they may even piss on your property; but they’re still our neighbors. Nobody improves with the application of abuse.
None of this is hard, and some of it may seem naïve, but it really does help. I serve my neighbors in these ways, and some of my neighbors have started doing the same.
Join this revolution; we can make a difference.—Anonymous
You’re So Pedestrian, Portland
[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds]
Here a bush, there a bush, everywhere your damn overgrown bushes! We all know you love to garden, and we’re all “impressed” with the 10,000 different species of vegetation you’ve packed into your front yard and planting strip. But, now that it’s grown all summer, it’s time to get those clippers out, and go trim ALL of the damn shrubs, bushes, and branches that are clogging the sidewalk, making it almost impossible for me to walk by your house.
Portland, it’s time to stop hating on people who use baby strollers and wheelchairs. It’s time to show kindness to pedestrians. TRIM YOUR DAMN BUSHES!
It’s called a public right of way for a reason, and the public has a right to use it for access to getting to things; like our jobs, the grocery store, brunch, and the record store. It IS your right to recreate the Portlandia version of the Amazon Rainforest in your front yard – but NOT if it starts to BLOCK THE SIDEWALK.
If there is any progressive ideal we can all agree on, and rally behind, it should be access. Let people walk down the sidewalk without being assaulted by your shrubbery!
If you want to get into the “weeds” about it, the city has codes for this kind of thing-
“Vertical Tree Clearance:
Tree limbs and vegetation must clear sidewalks by at least 7.5 feet (and higher over streets) per Portland’s Street Visibility & Clearance Guidelines.
All public sidewalks shall have a minimum clear area for pedestrian passage of 5 feet. On all arterial and commercial streets, and in the Central City Business District, a minimum of 6 feet of unobstructed sidewalk area shall be maintained. The total clear pedestrian passage shall not include the width of the adjacent curb.“
Wait, what’s that I hear?
It’s your Compost Bin!:
“FEED ME!”—Anonymous
Fall Colors
[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds]
The leaves are popping now. So much variety in colors and shapes is soothing and uplifting. Shame they fall to the ground and then get smushed and mixed with roadway grit (runner from tires, fuel or oil, trash, etc.).
What I don’t get is why the leaf cleanup provided by the City never comes around until January in my neighborhood. Actually, I do get it. Unless you live in Irvington or the NW, you have to wait your turn. Funny, not funny.—Anonymous
We Deserve to Live Here Too
[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds]
Did the impossible- bought a home in Portland. The 900 square feet I’ve been able to claim. If it was dark enough, I even have enough yard to squat behind my home and piss- on my dirt. SLAY.
My yearly taxes are 2x my monthly mortgage. Happy to contribute to the community that raised me.
EXCEPT
THESE JUDGEMENTAL ASS NEIGHBORS. I know there are more people on the street. I know Portland code lowered the minimum for parking space. But a density focused home is all I can afford. And hey, they’re extremely energy efficient.
It takes two working adults to afford to buy this “BUDGET” option. Some of these working adults even have cars.
I was born here, work here, volunteer here, pay taxes here, and I DESERVE TO BE HERE.
I’ll put up with your loose dogs, screaming kids, Air BnB guests- and frankly- your eye sore homes that you’ve neglected maintenence on for 20 years. In exchange, maybe 2 cars would be allowed to park on the street each night without bitching from the neighbors? 🙄 pretty please?—Anonymous
Portland Renters: Organize!
[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds]
Wondering why your utilities are so high?
Aside from the usual increases, most property management companies are poorly managed baby-sitters that don’t actually manage. There is no transparency or regulatory audit required for utilities. UNLESS YOUR UTILITIES ARE INDIVIDUALLY METERED, YOU ARE TRUSTING THE PROFESSIONALISM AND REPUTATION OF THE COMPANY TO CALCULATE YOUR UTILITIES. They miscalculate things all the time, sometimes intentionally. They defer to 3rd party billing companies. They refuse to answer their phones or respond to emails. ORS 90.315 REQUIRES THEM TO PROVIDE UTILITY BILLS IF YOU ASK FOR THEM AND YOU SHOULD. HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE. Yet, there is no requirement that they have office staff available to answer phones and emails in a REASONABLE amount of time. The Secretary of State doesn’t even publish or require a public phone number in their registration documentation shown online.—Anonymous