Anonymous

No helmet. Hands off the handlebars. Listening to music on your IPod. Looking around from time to time to see who’s checking out your super-awesomeness. Your douchey-looking hairdo isn’t going to protect your brain when you get hit by a car you didn’t hear coming, or you fall off your bike into the traffic lane […]

Dear owner of a car with a car alarm: I hope your car gets stolen. I work downtown, and at least twice a week, your car interrupts my work for fifteen minutes, letting the entire world know that you’re a giant a-hole. I can even see your car from my office window. I see your […]

As a long term motorcycle/scooter/car commuter, I have noted the trend and the symptoms of the rising dominance of the cell phone. It’s a tired rag, sure. However, the very next time I am behind a texter that sits at a green light long enough to deny the cars behind them a chance to make […]

I guess the reason your not returning my phone calls is because your in jail! I guess that’s because you have been ‘accused’ of having sex with a 16y/old model/ intern. I am no longer upset with the fact you took my money got drunk fucked bitches and never returned my phone calls, you were […]

To the curly-haired female in the crowd next to me; Don’t tell me how to have a good time. I was at Dante’s, for the Detroit Cobras show, leaning against the pillar in the middle of the floor. I was having a lovely time, until you appeared to the left of me, screaming to no […]

OPB, quit trying to take credit for Morning Edition, All Things Considered, and all the other NPR programs you air! You always announce them as if they originate from your station. The guy in the morning is the worst, I’ve heard him announce Morning Edition as if he is the co-host with the people in […]

For the first time in weeks I decided to give it a shot at going out to a Club again with the Boys. The usual, The Cure, The Strokes, Youth of America; Wipers. I wasn`t really looking to get hammered. All chicks were obviously on other wavelength. I checked out your smirk behind the bar, […]

To the gentleman who made a big show out of checking out that ladies ass and then looked up at me as if to say: “can I get a witness?”Thank you for making my day a little brighter and my apologies if I did not present you with the desired response. I think you were […]

Hey you fucking hippies in Col. Summers tight rope walking and hula hooping you look like idiots but that is fine. What is not fine is all of your brand new puppies from the puppy store. You’re little lopso-poo and dalmatian and those dogs that look like little teddy bears make you look like dicks. […]

Dear Asshole who stole plants from our garden… you are cool. That’s what you wanted to hear, right? Let me guess, you’re a pseudo-anarchist, validated by a swarm of crusty d-bags who encourage a genre of self-righteous urban survivalism which includes “reclaiming” plants from in front of rich peoples’ kitchen windows to really sock it […]

I’m sure you’re nice enough people. but… I’d appreciate it if you would quit cluttering up the sidewalk in our neighborhood with your weekly “fun sale” of garbage that you’ve acquired over the past 50 years. The condition of your garage is abysmal, you’re abusing your home ownership privileges. The clutter stacked to the ceiling […]