We appreciate you not breaking the window like your brethren who also, uninvited, attempted to find something of value in our car, which really contains nothing of the sort. A couple of things: +1 to the placement of the “Save Wild Utah” sticker prominently and proudly on the dashboard. However, it would’ve been nice if […]
Anonymous
Posted inI, Anonymous
I, Anonymous Chill Out Tent
WELCOME TO THE NEW I, ANONYMOUS BLOG. While many of the rants you’re currently reading are definitely entertaining—it can also be a little… much, sometimes. Don’tchathink? That’s why we’ll occasionally post a “I, Anonymous Chill Out Tent” where you can come in, sit down, and just… you know… chill out for a minute. It’s like […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
My Tattoos are for Me, NOT YOU!
Just because I have tattoos, does NOT mean you should feel entitled to touch them. I don’t want to be touched by complete strangers, asshole! I’m glad you can appreciate them but fuck, have some respect for my personal space!
Posted inI, Anonymous
Drivers: Calm the Hell Down!
I get that the person who spaced when the light turned green is annoying. But do you have to start blaring on your horns and shaking fists? Likewise, I’m pretty sure you’ll get a chance to turn right onto 23rd so maybe not try and rush the pedestrians out of the way? What’s so fucking […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Humans are Not a Resource!
Hey, boneheads: went to your “jobless” fair last week. It cost me over $4 for bus fare and when I get there all I found were nine tables of smiling corporate goons saying,”we’re not hiring right now, but we ARE accepting aplications…” Bite me! I spent my whole day, and money from a dwindling and […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
the byclist at fault B.S
MY RANT IS WITH THE UNNATENTIVE MOTORIST OBLVIOUS TO THE TRAFFIC LAWS ,THEY PAY NO ATTENTION TO WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE DOING, IT ISNT EVEN SAFE TO CROSS IN THE CROSS WALK WITHOUT BEING RAN OVER BY STUPID ASS DRIVERS WHO DONT EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK TO SEE IF THE CROSS WALK SIGN IS […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
To the Portland Mercury News Team
Hello!I just wanted to let you know that life is pretty awesome. In my opinion, this is news-worthy.It’s the first day of June! Summer is coming! Summer is an affirmation of life, even moreso than spring. Therefore, I propose that the city of Portland needs to go out, look at life, experience the small things […]
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Nerd Fears Are Real
Do you know what every shy nerdy boy’s biggest fear is when he goes to ask a girl out? That she will think he is the most disgusting human on earth and he will taint her with his filth by even thinking about her. So we talked a couple times. You were smiley and nice. […]
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I, Anonymous
Dadness Madness
To the lady in the Fred Meyer parking lot on Lombard: I’m very sorry I screamed at you today. Though there’s no excuse for my behavior, there are some extenuating circumstances you may not be aware of: I’m a new father of a three-month-old baby. I was pushing her in a stroller when you backed […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Enough with the Folk Music!
To just about every musician in Portland: Stop playing folk music. Right now. It stopped being interesting about fifty years ago, and only gets worse every time it’s revived. Also, stop playing bluegrass and country music. And calling it “Americana” doesn’t make it any less tedious.
Posted inI, Anonymous
Whine and Eat
To the whiny asshole at every bar or eatery offering an outdoor patio for smokers to enjoy their vice: fuck you. I couldn’t give a fuck less if you think I smell, or that I am feeding money to some racist fucks in the south. It’s MY vice (I’m sure you have some of your […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Barstool Politician AKA FUCKTARD 2000
You. With the loud, booming voice. A shrill, braying toneless snort. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I didn’t come to the bar to hear about politics. Or anything you have to say. Stop talking like the whole world wants to be in a conversation with you. I got up and moved to the other side of […]