Anonymous

I’m a night auditor at a hotel, formerly a front desk guy. I switched because I couldn’t handle the idiots and their stupid ideas of “haggling/negotiating” a rate. When you walk into a hotel and ask for a rate I’ll up-sell sure, my boss tells me to, but if you give me some respect, I’ll […]

Sir! While I understand that the Blossoming Lotus sometimes attracts a particularly bothersome Dansko-clad version of aging Baby Boomer, I am AGHAST at your particularly heinous table manners. You, sir, sat 18 inches away from me in the main dining room last night, blowing your nose INTO THE RESTAURANT’S LINENS every 30 seconds, over the […]

Go fuck yourself, Rose Festival. Go fuck yourself in the ass and the ear and in your crusty nose-hole. Every year you show up, a nasty little bit of small townism on steroids. You close off Waterfront Park and fill it full of syphilitic carnies that operate overpriced rides fro credulous Greshamites. You deem high […]

I see you jogging around 23rd on the First Thursday run, bumping in to people walking down the street whilst you sweat in spandex. I see you too doing some detached parenting while your 2 year old screams on a side street. And you, parading around your Corgi while it shits all over the trees. […]

Somehow it has become okay to order a cranberry-vodka or a redbull-vodka. Dearest Portland, it’s liquor THEN mixer, ALWAYS. Would you order a coke and jack, a tonic and gin, a seven and crown? Many nights I now hear customers order grapefruit and vodka, ginger whiskey, diet rum and coke. (wtf is diet rum?) Also, […]

Dear I, Anonymous commenters,Chill out. I get it, some of these are pretty silly, but that is sort of the point. Face it, no matter how many snarky comments you post on someone’s submission it still won’t make you feel like the bigger person. People post on this site to just get stuff off their […]

To the gentlemen who finds it appropriate to put a snot rag in his pocket before he left his house to get in his car to go to a restaurant. And blow your filthy fucking nose as loud as a child screaming IN the restaurant..Are you kidding? And the nerve for you to look at […]

We appreciate you not breaking the window like your brethren who also, uninvited, attempted to find something of value in our car, which really contains nothing of the sort. A couple of things: +1 to the placement of the “Save Wild Utah” sticker prominently and proudly on the dashboard. However, it would’ve been nice if […]

Just because I have tattoos, does NOT mean you should feel entitled to touch them. I don’t want to be touched by complete strangers, asshole! I’m glad you can appreciate them but fuck, have some respect for my personal space!

I get that the person who spaced when the light turned green is annoying. But do you have to start blaring on your horns and shaking fists? Likewise, I’m pretty sure you’ll get a chance to turn right onto 23rd so maybe not try and rush the pedestrians out of the way? What’s so fucking […]

Hey, boneheads: went to your “jobless” fair last week. It cost me over $4 for bus fare and when I get there all I found were nine tables of smiling corporate goons saying,”we’re not hiring right now, but we ARE accepting aplications…” Bite me! I spent my whole day, and money from a dwindling and […]