Anonymous

MY RANT IS WITH THE UNNATENTIVE MOTORIST OBLVIOUS TO THE TRAFFIC LAWS ,THEY PAY NO ATTENTION TO WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE DOING, IT ISNT EVEN SAFE TO CROSS IN THE CROSS WALK WITHOUT BEING RAN OVER BY STUPID ASS DRIVERS WHO DONT EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK TO SEE IF THE CROSS WALK SIGN IS […]

Hello!I just wanted to let you know that life is pretty awesome. In my opinion, this is news-worthy.It’s the first day of June! Summer is coming! Summer is an affirmation of life, even moreso than spring. Therefore, I propose that the city of Portland needs to go out, look at life, experience the small things […]

Do you know what every shy nerdy boy’s biggest fear is when he goes to ask a girl out? That she will think he is the most disgusting human on earth and he will taint her with his filth by even thinking about her. So we talked a couple times. You were smiley and nice. […]

To just about every musician in Portland: Stop playing folk music. Right now. It stopped being interesting about fifty years ago, and only gets worse every time it’s revived. Also, stop playing bluegrass and country music. And calling it “Americana” doesn’t make it any less tedious.

To the whiny asshole at every bar or eatery offering an outdoor patio for smokers to enjoy their vice: fuck you. I couldn’t give a fuck less if you think I smell, or that I am feeding money to some racist fucks in the south. It’s MY vice (I’m sure you have some of your […]

You. With the loud, booming voice. A shrill, braying toneless snort. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I didn’t come to the bar to hear about politics. Or anything you have to say. Stop talking like the whole world wants to be in a conversation with you. I got up and moved to the other side of […]

Dear stupid, stupid girl at Col. Summers Park a week or so ago. I watched from a distance while your off-leash dog chased some poor cat through the park while your douchebag friends cheered it on. Your dog proceeded to chase the cat right out of the park and across the busy street, barely missing […]

Providence Health’s mission statement: As people of Providence, we reveal God’s love for all, especially the poor and vulnerable, through our compassionate service. WHAT BULL-SHIT!! May you all rot in God’s special liar’s HELL for refusing me insurance based on a pre-existing medical condition. [NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I think this Anonymous could stand a […]

Dear driver of the silver hatch-back Tuesday evening on Corbett. It is my sincerest wish that one day someone mows you over in a crosswalk, you fucking piece of shit. Maybe then will you redirect your delusional self righteous indignation toward pedestrians, you fucktard. I was at the end of my exhausting run and I […]

I want to apologize for moving here last year to the 30 something fake yuppie in Fred Meyer who was bitching about how many people moved to Portland last year.Let me start over. What I should be apologizing for is being born in Buffalo in 1985. If I was courteous enough to be born 10 […]