Anonymous

To the lone smoker at every restaurant with outside seating who seems so delighted with the concept of smoking and eating that you get through two or three butts in 20 minutes, turning a pleasant brunch in the sunlight into a 1980’s truck stop meal for the 40 or so other diners: Fuck you.

“It’s okay!” That’s what white women in their late 20s say to me when their dog is charging me, snarling and barking, when I walk down the street. “It’s okay! Come here, Perky! Come here!” They stand there in the entrance to a cafe and reason with their dog from a distance rather than taking […]

It makes me extremely sad and furious when I see a younger woman call an old man a “piece of sh**” for ALMOST (but not quite) causing a bike crash on the esplanade because of him being slow and unsteady on his bike. I can think of many reasons why this self-righteous bike pedaling B**CH […]

Dear middle aged men that wear your crazy racing uniforms while biking,Last time I checked, biking around downtown is not equal to the Tour de France, so leave your spandex unitards and racing helmets at home. I do not enjoy having to look at your aging bodies through the skin tight shit you wear. I […]

Dear almost every person in my life,Yes, I wear glasses. Yes, I don’t eat meat and I am allergic to dairy and eggs forcing me to be a vegan. Yes, some of my clothes are from vintage stores. And, YES, I do enjoy art. These things do not make me a hipster. I don’t think […]

I can smell your weed in the hallway. Why? Why on earth are you befouling your residence with smoke? Why are you allowing the common area to smell like weed? I don’t have anything against smoking pot. I’ve done it myself from time to time and think that it should be legal. However, I wouldn’t […]

So you and the girls came in from Tigard tonight to check out the lumbertwinks, Mr. Cleans, latex mummies, drag queens, and the girls who kissed a girl and liked it. Blow Pony is a great event because it welcomes everybody and allows everyone be themselves. Attitude and judgement are best left at the coat […]

I know you won’t sit on a public toilet seat because you think it’s disgusting. NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE THE WORST OFFENDERS FOR MAKING PUBLIC RESTROOMS DISGUSTING. I sit, and I never leave pee on the seat. You, however, leave your piss all over the seat, the bowl, the floor—and then you just leave it there! […]

You fucking piece of shit man-whore! Since we’ve been roommates, I’ve not only had to suffer through countless nights of your Mike Patton tributes- didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s only cool for a girl to be a screamer? -I’ve also had to share my living space with some true fucking champions of skank. Remember […]

I work in the psychic field, and while I had to do some time in a telephone psychic line, I am building step by step my own saloon, or as I like to call it: “My Sphere of Mutual Entertainment”. But as you may or not may not know, it can get out of hand […]

Dear stripper:This is not a strip club. I am not a potential stripper’s douchebag boyfriend. I don’t have the hair for it, nor do I have the neck tattoo. When you walk up to me and announce that you are a stripper in a regular bar, what the shit do you expect? A free drink? […]