Hello, everyone! I am your friend (I assume) Elinor Jones. I hope you’ve all had a nice week. I’ve been spending every waking second staring at the internet to collect the stankiest gossip to share with you—so hold your nose… and let’s go! Legal Advice from the Ghost of Ivana Trump Ivana Trump, best known […]
Elinor Jones
Elinor Jones writes the gossip column, THE TRASH REPORT, as well as movie reviews, and dinosaur stuff. She likes your lipstick.
Posted inMusic
Air You Ready to Rock?
US Air Guitar Nationals Brings the Thunder (But No Instruments)
Air-rivederci discovered air guitar as a college student, when he elected to watch the 2006 documentary “Air Guitar Nation.” He hoped for an easy A, but found a whole new way of life. Now can he make it to US Nationals? The Mercury profiled the Portland up-and-shredder.
Posted inThe Trash Report
THE TRASH REPORT: Goodbye Boris, Hello Gentleminions!
Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT! I am Elinor Jones, also known as several raccoons in a trench coat, here to walk you through some of the nonsense we call life. Remember, when there where only two footprints on the beach, that’s because we laid down; those footprints were someone […]
Posted inGossip
Courts! Cruises! Crackers! COVID!
Love boating or cruising for a bruising? designprojects / iStock / Getty Images Plus Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report! It’s me, Elinor Jones, first and foremost offering my most sincere congratulations on surviving another week. It’s…grim. BREAKING: in a landmark 6-3 decision the Supreme Court has ruled Americans can […]
Posted inGossip
The Supreme Court BAD! Timberlake BAD! Chocolate Milk GOOD!!!!!
Expect an apology for these pants in 3… 2…. Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images Hiyeeeee! It’s me Elinor Jones, the gal whose dexterity with the gossip rivals only the dexterity of raccoons when they’re opening up a jar. (In case you didn’t know, raccoons are skilled at opening jars. Also, did you know that […]
Posted inTheater & Performance
Fire Jugglers and Shirtless Acrobats Make Cirque du Soleil: Alegría Cirque Do So Slay
Matt Beard, courtesy of Cirque du Soleil The lingering feeling that, in early 2020, you did or said something that jinxed all of us and caused the pandemic is pretty universal. For my family, it was our decision that my kid was old enough to take to cool places which led to the subsequent purchase […]
Posted inGossip
Cursed Real Estate, Fake Money, Himbo Ken, and More!
Come on Barbie, let’s go party… once I rip off my sleeves. Carlos Alvarez / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome back to THE TRASH REPORT, where we will talk about some garbage-y things in a smart way, and some smart things in a garbage way. It’s up to YOU to determine what’s what. Flip […]
Posted inGossip
Wholesome Activities, Creepy Sedition, and It’s Britney’s Wedding, Bitch
Would you buy this romance novel at a grocery store? Yes, you would. Kevin Winter / Getty Images Hello friends, lovers, and those I’ve yet to categorize, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT! Let’s roll around in it together like dogs do when they find something gross on the beach, then smell […]
Posted inGossip
Long Live the Queen (of England) and the Queens (Lesbian Foxes)!
Could a dead person do this? [does not move or blink or breathe] WPA Pool / Pool / Getty Images Europe Hello, and welcome to another week of garbage with me, Elinor Jones, your human raccoon with hot tips on all the stankiest dumpsters. Wanna go for a ride? Well, you’re going. Sports! Portland basketball […]
Posted inGossip
Ray Liotta, Shakira, and Colossal Cocks
Hips don’t lie—but Shakira’s accountants do. John Moore / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another week of garbage. And wow, what a week. Really one of the worst I can recall, and that’s saying something, because the times? They are bad. And as the nation is grieving another massacre of children by users […]
Posted inGossip
We’re Paying Attention to Julia Fox, Hot Model Yumi Nu, and the World’s Best Big Mac-Eatin’ Wisconsin Man
“Oh, I didn’t see you standing there, and I don’t want your attention AT ALL” is what Julia Fox (left) likely said here. A’Ziah (right) King is perfect and we have no complaints. Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report! They say sunlight is the best disinfectant and—boy […]
Posted inGossip
Good Rescues, Bad Moms, and Bras That Are Clothes
If you like Ariana Grande in this dress, you’ll *love* her in less! Robin Marchant / Getty Images Entertainment Welcome, friends, to another edition of The Trash Report. I am three racoons standing on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat, also known as Elinor Jones. Times are—as usual—bad, but I’ve dumpster-dived some winners this […]