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Elinor Jones

Elinor Jones writes the gossip column, THE TRASH REPORT, as well as movie reviews, and dinosaur stuff. She likes your lipstick.
Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: The Year In Trash!

Let’s dig through the trash can of 2025 for the year’s hottest gossip.
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Hello, Trash Pandas! It’s me, Elinor Jones, with a special end-of-the-year Trash Report. This year certainly was something, wasn’t it? To put it in perspective, when the year began, Joe Biden was still the president (remember him?!), and Blake Lively was just entering into litigation with former costar Justin Baldoni stemming from alleged sexual harassment […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: Halle Berry and Sabrina Carpenter Get on the Mic, and A Two Good Men (Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang)

Your weekly can of juicy trash is full.
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Hello Trash Pandas, and happy December! ’Tis I, Elinor Jones. Christmas has exploded in my home, with decorations that are a combination of vintage keepsakes my mom kept from my childhood and random crap my daughter insisted we buy from Freddie’s. It’s pure chaos and I will love it for the next three weeks and not […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: “No Thank You” to Many Garbage Men, “Yes Thank You” to the Trash Pandas

Line up, trash pandas! Your garbage can of gossip awaits.
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Hello, and welcome back to the Trash Report! Happy Thanksgiving week! Let me start this column with something I’m thankful for, which is that today’s children’s aren’t fed a lot of horseshit about Pilgrims and colonialism, so I don’t have to decorate the house for this holiday, which is one less thing to deal with. […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: New Relationships, Old Politicians, and Me (Currently trapped in an airport in god-knows-where)

The hottest gossip from all corners of the known universe.
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Hi, and welcome to the Trash Report! I’m Elinor Jones. This is going to be a lot of commentary on a LOT of nonsense, and thanks to Ralph Nader, I can tell you to buckle up, and you’ll be able to (albeit metaphorically with this column, although you could also do so literally while driving […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: Kings are Bad, but (Stolen) Tiaras are Good!

Line up for this week’s hot soup of creamed gossip.
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Hi! Welcome to the Trash Report. I’m Elinor Jones, doing my damnedest to write and think about anything besides this season of Love is Blind, which sucked so bad. I have very little time to watch television, so when something I consistently make time for lets me down, I feel personally attacked and wonder why […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: Ben Affleck, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and ICE Have Said Enough

Plus! Are Charli XCX and Lorde scheming against Taylor Swift? 👀
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Hi! Welcome back to the Trash Report, your latest spin on news and gossip and whatever other stories were optimized to land in one of my feeds in a way that compelled me to say “hmm, I bet I could write something funny about that.” Isn’t it interesting that the stories that work best for […]

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The Trash Report: Portland is Not Hell, Celebrity Bride Wars that Weren’t, and Canadian Excellence

Read all the latest gossip from your local hell-hole and beyond!
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What’s up, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I’m your girl Elinor Jones, currently not bunkered in our not-hellish city. I recently got my quarterly botox injections and it’s unfortunate timing because I’m not supposed to frown until all the botulism settles around my brow, but there is so much to frown about! […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: Twilight, Bald Guys, and Gossip are Definitely Art

A particularly artsy roundup of the week’s hottest (and trashiest) gossip!
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Hello, Trash Pandas! I’m Elinor Jones. Welcome to this very special Trash Report for our extremely special Fall Arts Guide. Did you know that gossipping about celebrities and current events counts as “art?” It’s true! As such, this is basically art school. Congratulations on following your dreams. I’m your professor, Bob Ross, and we’re about […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: White House Trash Dump, State News, New Couples, and Leaning Into AI (Not)

Line up for the week’s hottest pile of garbage-y gossip!
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Hello Trash Pandas, and welcome to the Trash Report! I hope you are living and thriving, which are two words that should rhyme, but don’t. Let’s start pronouncing “thriving” like “living” and say it means both? Does that count as a portmanteau if it’s just changing the pronunciation? Also, don’t you guys think that when […]

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