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Elinor Jones

Elinor Jones writes the gossip column, THE TRASH REPORT, as well as movie reviews, and dinosaur stuff. She likes your lipstick.
Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: White House Trash Dump, State News, New Couples, and Leaning Into AI (Not)

Line up for the week’s hottest pile of garbage-y gossip!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hello Trash Pandas, and welcome to the Trash Report! I hope you are living and thriving, which are two words that should rhyme, but don’t. Let’s start pronouncing “thriving” like “living” and say it means both? Does that count as a portmanteau if it’s just changing the pronunciation? Also, don’t you guys think that when […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Fascists are Babies, Celebrities are Silly, Rich People are Horrible

Let’s dig into this week’s trash can of delicious gossip.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Helloooooooo Trash Pandas! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I’m your girl Elinor Jones, fresh off a weeks-long mental health break “sabbatical.” This summer has been fun, but it’s been busy and I was fresh out of jokes to make and fucks to give, so I needed to rest. I’ve also been oddly tuned out […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: This Just In… Paris Isn’t Just a Wealthy Former Reality Star and DJ

Let’s go, Trash Pandas! It’s time to root around in this week’s hottest gossip.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

[EDITOR’S NOTE: America’s favorite gossip columnist, Elinor Jones, is taking a well-deserved vacation and will return soon with the latest in shit-talking celebrity shenanigans. Until then, please enjoy this classic edition of The Trash Report from December 4, 2023.] Hello, Trash Pandas! I’m Elinor Jones, and this is…THE TRASH REPORT. Did anything cool happen to you […]

Posted inGood Morning, News!

Good Morning, News: Tariffs Eve, Gaza Aid, Parking Fees, but Most Importantly, It’s Our Birthday!

Avatar photo Elinor Jones

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! Good morning, Portland! I’m Elinor Jones, back on my bullshit here with […]

Posted inMercury 25th Anniversary Issue

THE TRASH REPORT: 25 Years of Straight-Up TRASH

Hop in the trash can time machine to revisit the past quarter-century of garbage-y gossip.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

[Find the Mercury‘s 25th Anniversary Issue (in print) near you by using this handy-dandy map, and read all of our anniversary stories here.—eds.] Hello, and thank you for coming to our very special 25th birthday Trash Report! I’m Elinor Jones. Normally I’d write about some current news and gossip, but since this issue will cover […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Airplanes, Aquaman, and a Body-Positive Plan for Pollution Reduction

Dive into this week’s delicious dumpster of drama.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hi, Trash Pandas, and welcome back to the Trash Report! I’m Elinor Jones. Now, some may worry that when I cover a Good Morning, News during the week that I’ll have burned through my battery and wouldn’t have any juice left for you all. Great news: I save all the best juice for you all. […]

Posted inGood Morning, News!

Good Morning, News: Ghislaine Is Back, Obama Conspiracies Are Back, Fires Are Back, Everclear Is Back (Or Did They Ever Go Away?)

Avatar photo Elinor Jones

If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Kiss Cams at the Coldplay Show, and Other Chaotic Choices

Get ready for your weekly dose of trash!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hello, and welcome back to the Trash Report! I am Elinor Jones, and I am so glad you are here. I, for one, am living for today’s cool weather because I recently got a horrific sunburn and need to be 150% clothed for the foreseeable future (we call this “the full Sister Act, plus one-half”). […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Alligator Alcatraz Was a Good Idea for a Dumb Movie (But a Bad Idea for Reality), and Other Truths

Calling all trash pandas: Here’s your weekly helping of garbage-y gossip!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Helloooo sweet angel Trash Pandas! It’s me, Elinor Jones, back after an achingly long absence with your extremely overdue Trash Report. Last week I was on vacation in Alaska and it was so pretty! I saw whales. They were splashy. I had limited cell reception for a good part of my trip and I felt […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: A New War AND a New Cardi B Single Just Dropped?! Wow!

And Margaret Cho has a message for the feds in Portland (and Ellen Degeneres).
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hi everybody, I’m Elinor Jones, and this is the Trash Report. The other day I found a DIVINE ’90s rock station on Spotify, which was a great reminder of a simpler time. Then the Everclear banger “Santa Monica” came on, and my partner said “I wonder where Everclear came from,” which was a frank reminder […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Brad Pitt, Donald Trump, and King Charles are All Embarrassing

Line up for your heaping helping of garbage-y gossip!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hi there, and welcome to the Trash Report! I’m Elinor Jones. I’m writing this week’s column on Father’s Day, immensely grateful that my immediate family all had the fortune of being born in this country, and I don’t have to live in fear in one of them being dragged away on their way to work. […]

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