Submitted to I, Anonymous: No one wishes you a Happy Mother’s Day when all your babies die before they are babies. Not even the one who made the dead un-babies with you. When the things you birth don’t have fingers and toes or a face like yours…they don’t count. There is no Hallmark card for […]
Luv
Posted inCats
I Now Pronounce You Man and Cat
Sad? Touched? Skeeved out? I don’t know how to feel about German postman Uwe Mitzscherlich marrying his dying cat, Cecilia. First of all, I thought this kind of thing only happened after a country legalized gay marriage. Oh wait! The BBC says it wasn’t official so maybe this isn’t the dawning liberal dystopia we’ve been […]
Posted inLuv
Making Love to a Stuffed Unicorn Isn’t Really Bestiality… Is It?
You know why the following video is NSFW? Not because there’s nudity, that’s for sure. It’s NSFW because your stupid work can’t HANDLE the erotic power of this man making sweet, tender love to a stuffed unicorn (with Michael Jackson’s “You are Not Alone” playing in the background). Seriously. There has never been a stuffed […]
Posted inLuv
So Much for this 4-Year-Old’s Dreams
In the following video, a four-year-old has her tiny heart smashed in a billion pieces after her heartless bitch of a mom decides to move her to Japan—even though she is desperately, hopelessly, forever in love with an older man named Steven (this time not me). And what’s up with the mom/narrator in this piece, […]
Posted inLuv
This Person Hates Things!
Think you’re good at hatin’? This guy makes you look like Princess Sweetpuffs, the adorable ruler of Sugarpoplollyland. In fact, this guy is so good at hatin’, he should be crowned King Hatealot, the grand exalted dictator of Hateonya, which destroys Sugarpoplollyland with nukes… filled with hate.
Posted inLuv
Beautiful, Beautiful Pen on Paper.
Barack Obama’s signature on the healthcare reform bill. via gawker
Posted inEvents
Free Ice Cream is Your Only Reason for Living
January Vawter Diabetes for All! America is in ruins. The Commander in Chief sits around LOLing while THE MAN kills rock and roll and you are out of argyle culottes. Well buck up, Nancy! Ben and Jerry’s is inviting you to drown your sorrows (and they are many) in their Punnerific ice cream FOR FREE. […]
Posted inLuv
OH MY GOSH.
Apparently this teen must have broken a cup stacking record or something (or at least I hope she has), because she is very, extremely, adorably excited. In fact, since I’ve never been this excited about ANYTHING (including my first threesome) I’m going to start practicing “cup stacking” right now. (Question: How do you make the […]
Posted inMusic
“Love Marriage” > “Arranged Marriage”
Now here’s a style of music video you don’t see every day! In this hilariously catchy song, India’s Wilbur Sargunaraj begs his parents to allow him a “love marriage” rather than an “arranged marriage”—and it reminds me a lot of a young Madonna if she had used autotune and had a booshy mustache. LOVE IT, […]
Posted inGeek
Walking with Dinosaurs: The Mercury Review
Last night, the Mercury‘s Nerd Posse™ attended Walking with Dinosaurs: THE ARENA SPECTACULAR at the Rose Garden. Hit the jump for our insightful and incisive critique. (If for some reason the following commentary fails to satisfy your curiosity about the show, feel free to leave questions in the comments.) You can purchase your very own […]
Posted inMusic
My Most Embarrassing Musical Moment
As many of you already know, my singing skills are the bomb-diggy-diggy. In fact, while my talent goes largely unnoticed in the states (criminally so, one might say), in Slavic countries, I’m kind of the shit. I’m often invited to appear on any number of Eastern Bloc TV shows, where I’m always met with love […]