Newsblast!

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Damn, the street lights just came on! And my momma’s in the streets tellin’ me to come home. I hit the gate and I hops on my Schwinn, and I tell the homies, “Alright then,” yeah. LET’S GO TO PRESS. The Iraqi prime minister says “no stinkin’ way” to American or foreign […]

American bombs will rain down upon the Islamic State in two countries now, President Obama announced last night—committing the United States to yet another war, in Syria and Iraq, while calling for an international coalition to back him up. Does he need Congress’ approval? In short, no. What about the Syria’s? In short, maybe—lest they […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! ‘Cause I’m lookin’ like class and he’s lookin’ like trash. Can’t get with no deadbeat ass. LET’S GO TO PRESS. Russia successfully tested one of their long-range nuclear missiles that can travel 5,000 miles and deliver a punch 100 times greater than the one on Hiroshima. (Heyyy… are you guys trying to […]

Doctor Monica Wehby, staring upward at Senator Jeff Merkley in the polls, isn’t quite the darling of the arch-conservative Koch Brothers she used to be—now that their vaunted ad buy for Wehby’s been reduced so their money can head to other states. Instead? After pivoting to the right, she’s pointedly spinning herself back to the […]

GOOD MORNING, NEWS! People are so phony. Nosy cause they’re lonely. Aren’t you sick of the same thing? LET’S GO TO PRESS. A new report indicates that Islamic State militants may be using stolen weaponry that the US gave to Saudi Arabia, who then gave to rebels in Syria, and… will you guys please stop […]

An appellate court in the Midwest has issued a blunt and gorgeous takedown of Wisconsin’s and Indiana’s bans on same-sex marriage, on the same day that 30 of these 50 United State, for and against equality, asked the US Supreme Court to quickly settle the issue (hopefully the right way) once and for all: “If […]

GODDAMMIT LOUISIANA! Twenty-one times since the federal Defense of Marriage Act was all but cast down in 2013 as unconstitutional, judges have ruled favorably against various states’ same-sex-marriage bans. Until, that is, now. An 80-year-old judge in Louisiana has decided it’s okay to continue discriminating against loving couples, citing several abhorrent reasons—among them the notion […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Am I his fool? What must I do to keep him loving you? All this love I give, that ain’t cool. LET’S GO TO PRESS. Following yesterday’s beheading of yet another journalist by Islamic State, President Obama has vowed to destroy the organization, adding, “Whatever these murderers think they will achieve with […]