One Day at a Time

MONDAY, MAY 16 As you may already know, the media loves to lie. We get a real kick out of pulling something out of our ass and rushing it into print–just to see what will happen! But it’s very rare that people actually die from a result of our fabrications. However, Newsweek ran into a […]

MONDAY, MAY 9 When it comes to unfortunate marriages, nobody can beat the girls of Hollyweird! First up to bat: The increasingly bizarre and untalented Renée Zellweger, who, for reasons unknown, decided to up and marry country singer/hick Kenny Chesney. After being dumped by rubber-faced funnyman Jim Carrey in 2000 (will she ever live that […]

MONDAY, MAY 2 America’s favorite G.I. Jane, Lynndie England, pled guilty today to seven of nine criminal counts for her role in the Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal. The plucky reservist was the former lover of abuse ringleader Charles Graner who, though the father of her baby son, ended up marrying another of the accused, […]

MONDAY, APRIL 25 Hold everything!!! Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Federline are making a BIG mistake having a baby! Well, certainly for all the obvious reasons. But also because KevFed’s ex, Shar Jackson, says that they’re not ready. “A baby is not a dog. You can’t just put it away,” Shar said. “I don’t know if […]

MONDAY, APRIL 18 Hey, Nicole Richie! Yes, YOU! Nicole Richie, daughter of ’80s singing sensation Lionel Richie, and star of the failing reality show The Simple Life! FYI, bitch… we’re mad at you! Want to know why? Well… we’re not going to tell you. Let’s just put it this way: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. […]

MONDAY, APRIL 11 Have you ever woken up after a horrible dream, only to realize that your worst nightmare has inexplicably come true? Well, rise and shine, buttercup, because BRITNEY SPEARS IS PREGNANT! Like some horrifying hillbilly version of Rosemary’s Baby, the princess of pop announced this week that she is indeed carrying the demon […]

MONDAY, APRIL 4 Sharpen those claws, kitties, because in Hollyweird, the fur is definitely starting to fly! It was a catfight royale during Vanity Fair‘s Desperate Housewives cover shoot, when the hot female stars of the super successful ABC show got diva-licious, thanks to co-star Teri Hatcher’s soaring popularity. According to Vanity Fair, the poolside […]

MONDAY, MARCH 28 Are YOU a “false tabloid“? Believe it or not, we ask ourselves that on a daily basis. But now we’ll never have to wonder again thanks to ballooning princess of pop Britney Spears! After a series of reports from Star, Us Weekly, and In Touch, which describe the star as either pregnant, […]

MONDAY, MARCH 21 If you suffer from frequent headaches, it would be in your best interest to avoid the Michael Jackson trial. The Trial of the Millennium™ started off in a fairly brain-piercing manner this morning when a Jackson fan caused a mini-riot outside the Santa Maria courthouse in California, when she fell down and […]

MONDAY, MARCH 14 Yippee-ki-yi-yay, another great day for the gays! Well, at least in California. Judge Richard Kramer of San Francisco County’s Superior Court ruled today that California’s ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. This means if the state Supreme Court were to uphold the ruling, it would make California the second state behind Massachusetts […]

MONDAY, MARCH 7 Reader, BEWARE. The following buffet of news and gossip has been rated “PG-EWWW!” for scenes of gross and highly INAPPROPRIATE behavior. Still there? Okay… Don’t say you weren’t warned. Today in Hollywood, 50-year-old Bruce Willis was allegedly spotted groping 18-year-old Lindsay Lohan and digging around inside her pants. (Hmmm… maybe we should […]

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 28 Calling all guys! If you’re the type who won’t die happy until you’ve dated a gorgeous celebrity, you’re in luck. FOUR of Hollyweird’s hottest hotties are currently on the unattached list, and are waiting for your call! Naturally, there’s Jennifer Aniston–who as we found out this week is definitely NOT a lesbian… […]