MONDAY, JANUARY 1 Congratulations to little Vyviannie Ivette Rodriguez who popped out of her mommy’s belly just in time to be declared Baby New Year for Oregon! Vyviannie made her appearance at OHSU at exactly midnight weighing a healthy 6 pounds, 9 ounces. And what will Baby New Year have to look forward to in […]
One Day at a Time
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MONDAY, DECEMBER 25 Roughly a couple of centuries ago today, in the City of David, a Savior was born who came to be known as Christ the Lord. After discovering this babe lying in a manger, a multitude of angels suddenly appeared, praising God, and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth […]
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MONDAY, DECEMBER 11 Today, The Oregonian shocked Portland with the headline “Sneaker Wave May Be Cause of Man’s Death.” An unnamed 75-year-old man was found floating off the Oregon coast last Friday, an apparent victim of a “sneaker wave”–waves so sneaky, they creep up on old people and actually sweep them into the ocean! Charles […]
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MONDAY, DECEMBER 4 As a practicing Luciferian, One Day is always thrilled when our dark lord and master, Satan, pays a visit to the humble state of Oregon–especially after an election! This time, our unholy Prince of Lies and Unspeakable Evil was spotted at the Clark County Courthouse, where announced that he was indeed Satan, […]
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MONDAY, NOVEMBER 27 Tonight, Vice President Al Gore asked for America’s patience with his legal challenge of George W. Bush’s certified victory in Florida. America responded with “Huh? Patience? Surewhatever” and went back to watching Ally McBeal to see if Robert Downey Jr. looked high. Meanwhile, if anyone cares, One Day had the worst day […]
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MONDAY, NOVEMBER 20 Today we are so very deeply annoyed by the political turmoil and the subsequent media response to “the situation” in Florida, One Day has decided to shut our eyes and ears and concentrate on the important things in life like the newest urban legend! Over e-mail today, Tiffany sent us a warning […]
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MONDAY, NOVEMBER 13 Our democratic process has gone down the crapper–but not in the way you might think While Bush and Gore are attempting to wrangle away the presidency down in Florida, here in the Mercury office, we are experiencing similar election problems. As you may know, we’ve sponsored a contest called “Finish the Face […]
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This week, Ann reports from jolly old London! Tally ho, wot?–Ed. MONDAY, NOVEMBER 6 142 lbs, alcohol units 4, cigarettes 0 (excellent). Our first day in London. After a nine-hour direct flight from Seattle, an hour tube ride from Heathrow, and a black cab ride to northwest London, we arrive at the home of our […]
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MONDAY, OCTOBER 30 Today, Officer Michael Lee Peters of Bandon, Oregon was arrested after the discovery of a very naughty videotape. Here’s what happened: Peters was the leader of a group of Explorers, or Boy Scouts who are interested in a career in law enforcement. The video, which had been produced with police department equipment […]
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MONDAY, OCTOBER 23 One Day arrived at the office early this morning greeted by a throng of traffic cops on motorcycles, ambulances and intimidating G-men lining NW 23rd. Much to our relief, it was just Al Gore, stopping by the Marsee Bakery for a cup of Oregon Chai Tea and a round of glad-handing. However, […]
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monday oct 16 Dear Diary: Today was close to being the most horrible day EVER! According to a report from Gallitin, Tennessee’s News-Examiner, a mother reported her own son to the police after discovering that he was plotting to kill the megadreamy boys of ‘N Sync! The mother called the police after discovering a folder […]
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MONDAY, OCTOBER 9 Hoorah! Here’s some great news! City officials announced today that Portland is almost out of the money needed to install speed bumps in residential neighborhoods! Long regarded as the worst thing about living in this town, there is still an inexplicable desire for speed bumps by neighborhood activists who are too lazy […]