Comic-Con photo by Mercury art director Justin “Scrappers” Morrison WHAT THE FUCK! The four remaining fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were recently able to sigh a big, Doritos-scented sigh of relief when Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtle reboot was brutally euthanized—but now, because evil never sleeps, there’s been another assault on the Heroes in […]
PANIC!
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Say “Hello” to Lara Flynn Boyle’s Toe!
So there’s a picture of Lara Flynn Boyle’s really gross big toe flying around the internet right now. Here it is. You know what’s fun? Tossing this picture randomly into your iChats. For example: You should send a picture of Lara Flynn Boyle’s toe to a friend! You know why? The answer after the jump…. […]
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Spiders… Earthquake… ARACHNOQUAKE!!
While some of you claim that our near-constant coverage of the coming devastating earthquake is too panicky—I THINK IT’S NOT PANICKY ENOUGH. Because now, not only do we have to worry about a quake destroying our city, that same earthquake could release thousands of HUMONGOUS ANGRY SPIDERS. At least that’s what happened in Louisiana, according […]
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Burn, Baby, Burn! Climate Change and Forest Fires
And now some really bad news… Think those wildfires in New Mexico and Colorado are flukes? Think again. We are going to see a lot more fiery destruction in the coming decades. And the reason is: (you guessed it) human-caused climate change. According to a recent study published in the journal Ecosphere, wildfires are expected […]
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Stupid, Stupid Spider: The Hand-Drawn Trap
HAW!! You think babies are stupid? How about spiders? Jesus Christ, spiders have eight legs and every one of them is filled with STUPID! Get a load of this stupid, stupid spider who doesn’t even know that the trap he’s currently in was drawn by a pen! FAIL, you stupid, stupid spider! MASSIVE FAIL!! Maybe […]
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Earthquake Cassandra: A Conversation with Jerry Thompson
If you’ve been following the Mercury’s occasional stories about our region’s coming earthquake disaster, then you will no doubt know the term Cascadia subduction zone. If not, here’s an oversimplified refresher: it’s a fault just off the West Coast stretching from Vancouver Island to Northern California. It’s pretty quiet, as far as faults go, but […]
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Mapping Destruction: City Releases Locations of Portland Hazards
Yesterday, the Portland Bureau of Emergency Management (PBEM), our city-run bulwark against catastrophe, released a series of maps revealing Portland’s many hazards. Listed are floodplains, wildfire areas, local fault lines—you name it. PBEM’s maps also list evacuation routes, helicopter landing spots, hospitals, and fire stations. Well that’s reassuring…but wait! The maps also list a number […]
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Popchips Panics; Yanks Down Terrible, Racist Ashton Kutcher Video
As I was irritated about yesterday, Popchips produced some viral marketing videos featuring a fictional dating service and Ashton Kutcher playing a variety of characters, including an absolutely TERRIBLE brown-face impersonation of an Indian man. The internet let Popchips know in no uncertain terms how they felt about it, and the company has pulled the […]
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Put a Board on it!
For a perfect visual of how Seattle businesses reacted to yesterday’s May Day march, as opposed to Portland businesses, check out these photos from our sis up at Slog!
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EARTHQUAKE!!! (Not That Big of Deal)
The dreaded Northwest earthquake of despair just hit the Oregon coast! According to USGS, it happened here around 3:41 pm with a earth-shattering 5.9 magnitude. As you can see, all of the bridges have collapsed and the city is on fire. Except not really. It looks like the only town that may have felt something […]
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Preparing for the Killer Quake (Because You Keep Asking About It)
Thomas James This seems to be the month for earthquakes. About two hours ago, the US Geological Survey reported a 7.4 earthquake in the Mexican state of Guerrero. No major damage has been announced. Also, as many people remember, March 11 marked the first anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami that ravaged Japan. And of […]
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Best Killer Quake Comment Ever!
Thomas James We received a bunch of responses to last week’s feature about a magnitude 9.0 earthquake destroying Portland. Some people told us they loved it. Others said the story was traumatizing. Still others said our story wasn’t catastrophic enough. (I know. I know. I didn’t mention the dams. But damn it! Weren’t things bad […]