“Oh, I didn’t see you standing there, and I don’t want your attention AT ALL” is what Julia Fox (left) likely said here. A’Ziah (right) King is perfect and we have no complaints. Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report! They say sunlight is the best disinfectant and—boy […]
The Trash Report
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Good Rescues, Bad Moms, and Bras That Are Clothes
If you like Ariana Grande in this dress, you’ll *love* her in less! Robin Marchant / Getty Images Entertainment Welcome, friends, to another edition of The Trash Report. I am three racoons standing on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat, also known as Elinor Jones. Times are—as usual—bad, but I’ve dumpster-dived some winners this […]
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Pizza Entitlement, Fancy Dresses, and Why Voting Doesn’t Matter (Except When It Does, Like NOW)
Reality star gets more attention. Great work, everyone. Mike Coppola / Getty Images Entertainment Hi everyone, and welcome back to The Trash Report, where I sift through some really very dark and depressing news to bring you a few juicy odds and ends and then add my cute commentary to hopefully bring a little bit […]
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An Almost-Naked Man, a Haunted Church, and Rachel McAdams Existing
If Rachel McAdams had teamed up with Keanu Reeves back in 2015, the world could’ve taken a completely different trajectory 🙁 Rich Polk / Getty Images Entertainment HELLO friends, enemies, and people I’m ambivalent about, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT, where I frolic through the latest in news and gossip and […]
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Biden in Portland, Woman in an Outhouse, and Ferris Bueller in His Sister
Nobody puts baby in a corner…unless the baby is Matthew Broderick. The LIFE Picture Collection / Getty Images Hey besties, the sun is shining and the dumpsters are full; dive in with me with this, your latest edition of… THE TRASH REPORT. Let Us Be Awkward Hypocrites Over Here Alone Please Portland was thrust into […]
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Planned Parenthood, People for Portland, and Corpses (Both Current and Ancient)
ELON MUSK: Men would literally rather spend 43 billion dollars on an app than go to therapy. Courtesy CNN Welcome, friends, to another edition of The Trash Report, where I cherry-pick the latest in news and gossip so I can write about things that you might enjoy. All you have to do is keep reading, […]
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On Ghosts and Gubernatorial Candidates
What does the fox say? Probably “GRRRRRR I CRAVE HUMAN FLESH.” JMrocek / iStock / Getty Images Plus Happy New Week, friends, and welcome to another round of gossip and garbage from yours truly. To clarify, it’s not my trash; I am merely your guide on this journey. I’m actually very careful about how much […]
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Bad Celebrities and Good Animals (Also, Scary Animals!)
“I have lived through 12 different presidential administrations.” DenisTangneyJr / GETTY IMAGES Happy Monday, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report, where I rummage around the back alleys of the internet to turn another man’s news trash into our reading treasure. About the Oscars (But Not That Thing) It’s been one hell of […]
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Good Shade, Bad Vibes, and Ugly Shoes
Racist baby vs. anti-racist baby. Win McNamee/Getty Images HELLO, and welcome back to The Trash Report, where I will serve as your human raccoon to sift through the dumpsters and bring you all the best in gossip, gross-outs, nonsense, and no-thank-yous. Mmm, and she’s mighty rank this week. Let’s dig in! Ted Cruz: National Garbage […]
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Elk Outrage, Horny Mature Whales, and GOP Baby-Nappers!
Meet Oregon’s favorite horny whale, Orange Knuckles! Larry Rains / iStock / Getty Images Hi there! I think we all had a good time with the inaugural Trash Report last week, so I’ve written another one and I hope it puts a little zig in your zag. A little cream in your coffee. A little […]
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All the Cool Kids Had COVID, Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated” B-day, and Love in the Floral Aisle of Trader Joe’s
Avril Lavigne: “You know what’s complicated? The grueling passage of time.” Anna Webber / Getty Images Happy Monday, everyone! It’s me, Elinor Jones. As we all know, this online content experience formerly known as “a newspaper” does a helluva job reporting on the news, be it local, national, global, or the entirety of space and […]