The Trash Report

Come on Barbie, let’s go party… once I rip off my sleeves. Carlos Alvarez / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome back to THE TRASH REPORT, where we will talk about some garbage-y things in a smart way, and some smart things in a garbage way. It’s up to YOU to determine what’s what. Flip […]

Would you buy this romance novel at a grocery store? Yes, you would. Kevin Winter / Getty Images Hello friends, lovers, and those I’ve yet to categorize, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT! Let’s roll around in it together like dogs do when they find something gross on the beach, then smell […]

Could a dead person do this? [does not move or blink or breathe] WPA Pool / Pool / Getty Images Europe Hello, and welcome to another week of garbage with me, Elinor Jones, your human raccoon with hot tips on all the stankiest dumpsters. Wanna go for a ride? Well, you’re going. Sports! Portland basketball […]

Hips don’t lie—but Shakira’s accountants do. John Moore / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another week of garbage. And wow, what a week. Really one of the worst I can recall, and that’s saying something, because the times? They are bad. And as the nation is grieving another massacre of children by users […]

“Oh, I didn’t see you standing there, and I don’t want your attention AT ALL” is what Julia Fox (left) likely said here. A’Ziah (right) King is perfect and we have no complaints. Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report! They say sunlight is the best disinfectant and—boy […]

If you like Ariana Grande in this dress, you’ll *love* her in less! Robin Marchant / Getty Images Entertainment Welcome, friends, to another edition of The Trash Report. I am three racoons standing on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat, also known as Elinor Jones. Times are—as usual—bad, but I’ve dumpster-dived some winners this […]

Reality star gets more attention. Great work, everyone. Mike Coppola / Getty Images Entertainment Hi everyone, and welcome back to The Trash Report, where I sift through some really very dark and depressing news to bring you a few juicy odds and ends and then add my cute commentary to hopefully bring a little bit […]

If Rachel McAdams had teamed up with Keanu Reeves back in 2015, the world could’ve taken a completely different trajectory 🙁 Rich Polk / Getty Images Entertainment HELLO friends, enemies, and people I’m ambivalent about, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT, where I frolic through the latest in news and gossip and […]

Nobody puts baby in a corner…unless the baby is Matthew Broderick. The LIFE Picture Collection / Getty Images Hey besties, the sun is shining and the dumpsters are full; dive in with me with this, your latest edition of… THE TRASH REPORT. Let Us Be Awkward Hypocrites Over Here Alone Please Portland was thrust into […]

ELON MUSK: Men would literally rather spend 43 billion dollars on an app than go to therapy. Courtesy CNN Welcome, friends, to another edition of The Trash Report, where I cherry-pick the latest in news and gossip so I can write about things that you might enjoy. All you have to do is keep reading, […]

What does the fox say? Probably “GRRRRRR I CRAVE HUMAN FLESH.” JMrocek / iStock / Getty Images Plus Happy New Week, friends, and welcome to another round of gossip and garbage from yours truly. To clarify, it’s not my trash; I am merely your guide on this journey. I’m actually very careful about how much […]

“I have lived through 12 different presidential administrations.” DenisTangneyJr / GETTY IMAGES Happy Monday, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report, where I rummage around the back alleys of the internet to turn another man’s news trash into our reading treasure. About the Oscars (But Not That Thing) It’s been one hell of […]