Hiyeeeeee, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report. It’s a-me, Elinor Jones, overdressed and under-confident, ready to hold hands with you and drive Thelma and Louise-style into this trash heap called life, except we won’t die. (Probably.) Let’s go! The Trash Ex-President I feel like anything I write about the FBI raiding Trump’s […]
The Trash Report
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Sensitive Boys, Dancing Pigs (Maybe?!) and Feral Cat Colonies
This and More Hot Goss in this Week’s Edition of THE TRASH REPORT!
Let’s go, trash lovers! It’s time for a new edition of THE TRASH REPORT! This week Elinor Jones dumpster dives into garbage man Alex Jones, Jake Gyllenhaal’s “Road House,” and… zombie pigs? Okay!
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A Pastor Robbed, Taylor Pollutes, and William Pegged
All that and a lot more gossip in this week’s TRASH REPORT!
Hello, it’s Mr. Nasty. Welcome to The Trash Report! It’s me, Elinor Jones, writing from a bathtub of ice, because Portland isn’t supposed to be this hot and all my bras are uncomfortable and sweaty—but not wearing one is even worse? What the hell! How about let’s find some other stuff to be mad about. […]
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THE TRASH REPORT: Josh Hawley Jogs, Biden Takes a Break (Not), and Arnold Says “He’ll Be Back”… To Fart On You
Whaddup, sluts!* Welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT, where I, Elinor Jones, am back on my bullshit, and you can read along. It’s gonna be a hot week, which means our trash will be extra stinky. Plug your noses and let’s go for a dive! Biden has COVID In another example of being […]
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THE TRASH REPORT: One Trump Down, Huma’s Revenge, and Flesh-Eating Bugs
Hello, everyone! I am your friend (I assume) Elinor Jones. I hope you’ve all had a nice week. I’ve been spending every waking second staring at the internet to collect the stankiest gossip to share with you—so hold your nose… and let’s go! Legal Advice from the Ghost of Ivana Trump Ivana Trump, best known […]
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THE TRASH REPORT: Goodbye Boris, Hello Gentleminions!
Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT! I am Elinor Jones, also known as several raccoons in a trench coat, here to walk you through some of the nonsense we call life. Remember, when there where only two footprints on the beach, that’s because we laid down; those footprints were someone […]
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Courts! Cruises! Crackers! COVID!
Love boating or cruising for a bruising? designprojects / iStock / Getty Images Plus Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report! It’s me, Elinor Jones, first and foremost offering my most sincere congratulations on surviving another week. It’s…grim. BREAKING: in a landmark 6-3 decision the Supreme Court has ruled Americans can […]
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The Supreme Court BAD! Timberlake BAD! Chocolate Milk GOOD!!!!!
Expect an apology for these pants in 3… 2…. Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images Hiyeeeee! It’s me Elinor Jones, the gal whose dexterity with the gossip rivals only the dexterity of raccoons when they’re opening up a jar. (In case you didn’t know, raccoons are skilled at opening jars. Also, did you know that […]
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Cursed Real Estate, Fake Money, Himbo Ken, and More!
Come on Barbie, let’s go party… once I rip off my sleeves. Carlos Alvarez / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome back to THE TRASH REPORT, where we will talk about some garbage-y things in a smart way, and some smart things in a garbage way. It’s up to YOU to determine what’s what. Flip […]
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Wholesome Activities, Creepy Sedition, and It’s Britney’s Wedding, Bitch
Would you buy this romance novel at a grocery store? Yes, you would. Kevin Winter / Getty Images Hello friends, lovers, and those I’ve yet to categorize, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT! Let’s roll around in it together like dogs do when they find something gross on the beach, then smell […]
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Long Live the Queen (of England) and the Queens (Lesbian Foxes)!
Could a dead person do this? [does not move or blink or breathe] WPA Pool / Pool / Getty Images Europe Hello, and welcome to another week of garbage with me, Elinor Jones, your human raccoon with hot tips on all the stankiest dumpsters. Wanna go for a ride? Well, you’re going. Sports! Portland basketball […]
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Ray Liotta, Shakira, and Colossal Cocks
Hips don’t lie—but Shakira’s accountants do. John Moore / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another week of garbage. And wow, what a week. Really one of the worst I can recall, and that’s saying something, because the times? They are bad. And as the nation is grieving another massacre of children by users […]