And now a public service announcement from the thief who will be robbing your house this weekend: It’s going to be hot this weekend, the weather report says it’s going to be over 100. It’s the perfect time for me to rob you. You’ll be going to the coast or to the river or to […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
Here is some solid, good inter-office advice from someone who we’ll call “Anonymous”: Dear not so well meaning coworker: The break room table is not the location for your free box. In the tradition of Portland, please deliver your unwanted items to curbside and set them in a card board box. No one is going […]
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Oregon Man Kills Bald Eagles, Is Worst Person Ever
Bald eagle be throwin’ shade It’s too late for this asshole to win the Merc‘s Worst Person contest, but he’d have been a shoe-in. Dennis C. Thompson, 28, of Union (yes, that’s an Oregon town. It’s near La Grande in the Northeastern corner) was cited by Alaska State Troopers after he reportedly plowed his Ford […]
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It’s Been 23 13 Years Since Oregon’s Seen A Drought Like This
Want to see something you should be concerned about? Here’s Oregon’s drought situation in May. Here’s Oregon’s drought situation today: Gov. Kate Brown today announced she’s declared drought emergencies in four additional counties, bringing Oregon up to 19 counties imperiled by drought, low snow pack, and low water. That’s more than half the counties in […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day
This I, Anonymous submission lays out a very detailed plan for making Portland even weirder… A while back I had a conversion with a woman who had recently moved here with her husband. When I asked why, she replied that, “Portland was too weird a few years ago but now it’s really nice“. So they […]
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Are You Portland’s Worst Person? Enter Our Essay Contest… Win $300!
There are so many nice people in Portland—and to those people, we say, “thank you.” However, there are some terrible, awful people as well, and if you’re one of them… YOU CAN WIN $300 CASH MONEY! And all you have to do is enter our “I’m the Worst Person in Portland” essay contest! Here’s how […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
This kind of says it all: Three children were shot in my neighborhood tonight. As three children hid in a mercado, white portlanders were taking selfies by police tape and protesting the artisanal ice cream shop being shut down. I have never seen a more glaring example of white privilege, what gentrification does to a […]
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The Greatest Invention of This, Or Any Other Century
I’m not going to do a long intro for this… just rest assured that the product in the following commercial is the greatest invention of this, or any other century—and I really wish I’d known about this for our summer issue. Watch… and woe be unto anyone who challenges me to a water war! Because […]
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Are You Portland’s Worst Person? Enter Our Essay Contest… Win $300!
There are so many nice people in Portland—and to those people, we say, “thank you.” However, there are some terrible, awful people as well, and if you’re one of them… YOU CAN WIN $300 CASH MONEY! And all you have to do is enter our “I’m the Worst Person in Portland” essay contest! Here’s how […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
Marathon runners are the worst. We hold this truth to be self-evident… and yet? Sometimes we need a reminder. Behold: Welcome to my Sunday where you yell “What’s up boo?” and insisted more than once on high five-ing me. I declined because I don’t do high fives. Beer goggle mode was apparently on, because I […]
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How to Do Summer Guide: How to Skinny Dip
Illustration: Alison Kerek ALWAYS WANTED to introduce your genitals to direct sunlight? How else will you know if your junk has super powers fueled by Earth’s yellow sun?! Don’t forget your sunscreen, because here’s your summertime guide to skinny-dipping! Breitenbush Hot SpringsA two-hour drive and a pay-in-advance day-use fee ($15-28 sliding scale) gets you into […]
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We Kept Tsarnaev Alive to Kill Him. Why?
First of all, I don’t believe in capital punishment. All right, now that we’ve got that out of the way: Dzhokhar Tsarnaev—convicted on 30 counts for his role in the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing—was just sentenced to death. SO THEN WHY THE FUCK DID WE KEEP HIM ALIVE TO PUT HIM ON TRIAL? Why’d they […]