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Ummm…. YIPES. On Friday, I saw a man swing his fist at his girlfriend’s face through her car window. I saw the woman peel out in her car with her baby in the back. But, she threw the car in reverse and aimed to hit the man several times. The man picked up a cinder […]

Like bitching about Portland newcomers? Then read this: 15 years ago, I sailed into town with fleet week, and decided I would live in Portland one day. I finally moved here a little over two years ago on a whim, scored a reasonable job with an established company, and bike to work, and rent a […]

In this juicy I, Anonymous Blog post, a person feels forced to kick his roomie out of the house. Why? You want to know why we basically paid you off to leave? YOU BROUGHT A BEE HIVE INTO OUR GARAGE. I’m pretty sure the Craigslist ad said, “No pets.” Anyway, that’s not the only terrible […]

In this awkward conversation, a person meets his new neighbor… an “Apple Genius.” (Uh-oh.) You said you were an “Apple Genius” who worked downtown. I, in an attempt to strike up a possible like-minded conversation told you that I too “work with computers” (albeit in a more professional capacity), and admitted to still owing about […]

This I, Anonymous Blog contributor brings up a valid point: Should children be allowed to lick the windows on the MAX? Just because you dropped a child does not mean the rest of the world is responsible. yes, children make noise and act like little assholes, but, guess what? You, the PARENT, should not laugh […]

Grampy’s dream comes true… and naturally, he’s all “meh” about it. I finally did it; I managed to convince a girl of 23 to go out with me. I’m 49, she’s 23 and after some playful online banter, I convinced her to go out for a drink… just one, I say, as to not put […]

Oh, so you were born in Portland? Here’s what on I, Anonymous blogger thinks about that… Bragging that you were born in Portland is like bragging that you are 6’5″. You did exactly zero to manifest either one of those realities. Or maybe I’m wrong and you went back in time and became your own […]

Loyal Mercury reader Deb Johnson writes, Your cover photo dated April 8 to 14, 2015! What the hell is this picture? And what is the deal with the dark character in the middle? Is that an orifice where its ass might be? This must have been realized at sone point!? Is that female genitalia? Doesn’t […]

In this excerpt from an I, Anonymous Blog posting, a cyclist has a unique take on how to deal with people yelling at him for running stop signs: HE IGNORES THEIR EXISTENCE. At least once a week some fuckstick yells at me for jumping a green light or running a red light when there’s no […]