…feed ’em Mars Bars and Snickers instead: Children and adolescents who eat candy tend to weigh less than their non-consuming counterparts, according to a new study published in Food & Nutrition Research, a peer-reviewed journal. This is potentially important news given the current state of the childhood obesity epidemic. But lead researcher Carol O’Neil, PhD, […]
Hillbilly
Posted inHillbilly
Everything About Her Is RILL, Okay!?
Here’s Anderson Cooper spazzing out about how 51-year-old Eugene Victor Tooms* married that 16-year-old Real Childwife of Ocean Shores. This was already my favorite news story of the week, and that was before I saw her YouTube clips. They’re rill, rill, rill good, you guys: *To everybody who “doesn’t know who that guy is,” I […]
Posted inHillbilly
Redneck Fire Tornado Chasers
So there’s this video of a “fire tornado” in Arizona—which I believe to be absolutely legit. However, I’m not too sure about the audio track which seems to suggest a hillbilly family desperately trying to videotape the phenomenon, instead of trying to escape. (True or not, it’s funny.) I hear ya, hillbilly mom. I really […]
Posted inHillbilly
Crawl into My Warm Snuggly Tummy, Said the Bear
My Name Is Robby. What’s Yours? Hello boys and girls. Welcome to Bear Affair, where a friendly bear in bright blue overalls and a trucker hat invites you into his warm, safe belly to whirl you around in lulling circles while carnies look on in stoic delight. Yep, this little guy will extend his belly […]
Posted inMusic
Hillbilly Kids Done Gone and Played the Gol’ Darndest Thangs!
Check out these hillbilly kids absolutely wailing on their version of Earl Scruggs’ “Flint Hill Special.” The only way this could be improved is if they were all bald and blind (think Deliverance). Oh, and by the way? NICE STUFFED FOX! Yeeeeeeeeeeee-HAWWWWW!!!
Posted inDrugs
Why You Probably Shouldn’t Snort Bath Salts
Unless, of course, you WANT to be caught murdering a goat dressed in women’s underwear. From the Charleston (West Virginia) Gazette:
Posted inPolitics
Now THIS is How You Celebrate a Political Assassination
The gentlemen in this video—the one firing a gun, and whooping loudly while riding an ATV with an American flag flying from the back—and I come from different worlds. While I certainly feel relieved that Osama bin Laden isn’t around anymore, I’m still concerned about how he and his reign of terror came to be […]
Posted inPolitics
No, Seriously, This is Obama’s REAL Birth Certificate!
Obviously there’s no way to please everybody. That’s why the White House has released ANOTHER easier to read and understand President Obama birth certificate—because hillbillies need help sometimes!! via
Posted inHillbilly
The Tea Party Isn’t Racist—They Just Don’t Think the Nigras Should Be Allowed to Vote.
I want the Tea Party to shut up, but also I want the Tea Party to NEVER shut up. Via my fantasy wife, Wonkette.
Posted inHillbilly
Today’s “Mercury Several Moments of Inspirations”
Creating the Mercury week after week is like feeding a rabid hippo. The hippo must be fed, and if not? The hippo will attack and give you rabies. That’s why I like to start every morning by giving the staff an inspirational speech. It might go something like this:“Ahem… Get to work, you fucking ugly […]
Posted inHorrors
The Hamster Ball Derby is Coming!!
God-DAMMIT!!! I’m on vacation this week, and SWORE to myself I wasn’t gonna blog anything the entire time. But when you get an email notice like the following, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I said, “WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???” On your mark, get set, go! They’re off… hamsters […]
Posted inHillbilly
Blogtowners… I Love You (Comparatively Speaking, Of Course)
I was just reading reactions to the devastation in Japan provided by FOX News commenters, and was suddenly overcome by love for the commenters of Blogtown. In comparison, you guys are like Mother Teresa. Yes! Even more disturbing, after the jump. via