No-good lawbreaker! I love America! When homeless and infirm people with nowhere else to go are kicked off public sidewalks or made to cram themselves and their stuff along the curb and ingest exhaust fumes, it’s probably because they got what was coming to them. But when Girl Scouts selling their devil cookies (which I […]
Hillbilly
Posted inPolitics
One Day Later, Republican Congressman Finally Condemns Obama Assassination Joke
As Sarah briefly mentioned in GMN, a Republican congressman from Georgia named Paul Broun failed to condemn a town hall questioner who asked “Who is going to shoot President Obama?” The joke reportedly “got a big laugh” from those in attendance. Today, Broun finally condemned the “joke”: “Tuesday night at a town hall meeting in […]
Posted inHillbilly
The Uncomfortable Shame of Rectal Itch
1) It’s not easy being a horse. 2) It’s especially not easy being a horse with an uncomfortable rectal itch. Like, what are they supposed to do? Use their hooves? 3) It’s especially not easy being a horse with an uncomfortable rectal itch, and a master with a video camera who just happens to be […]
Posted inPolitics
The Battle Hymn of the Sarah Palin Republic
In this tribute video, a couple of tea party hillbillies sing a stirring remake of the Battle Hymn of the Republic dedicated to Sarah Palin. Naturally it’s pretty confusing. So wait… she’s going skunk hunting in the South? She’s going to make Washington cold as hell? What? Are you guys sure this is a tribute?
Posted inHillbilly
What Should Beaverton’s New Slogan Be?
Thanks to blog tipster A Seventy for sending in the news that Beaverton is in the midst of a rebranding process that involves the release of a new slogan. What is the catchphrase of rebranded Beaverton? Shoot! That’s what I’ve always thought of Beaverton! The best of everything in Oregon! According to the consultants, “the […]
Posted inNews
Proudly Presenting the Greatest News Story of All Time
“They cut my beard and forced me to eat it.” Thanks, FilmDrunk.
Posted inPolitics
“P” Is For “President.” Also “Plagiarist.”
Is anybody really surprised by this? You are? Then you’re a little dumb, aren’t you? Apparently George W. Bush’s first decision when sitting down to “write” his “memoir,” Decision Points, was this: I’m not going to actually sit down and “write” my “memoir,” Decision Points. Thanks to this detailed smackdown over on Huffington Post, it […]
Posted inSex
That’s My Home State: Alabama Opens First Ever Sex Shop Drive-Thru
Say what you want about Alabama… go ahead. Say what you want. I’ll wait. ……… Anyway, I’ll say this about Alabama. They take their sex shop shopping experience SERIOUSLY. Take for example Pleasures sex shop in Huntsville, which has just opened up the world’s first three-lane drive through. Because… because… people are really nervous about […]
Posted inTV
Hey Fox News Viewers! Did You Hear About that Weird Rally or Whatever?
Fox News tried their best to cover “The Rally to Restore Sanity”… but c’mon guys! It’s like chewing aluminum foil!! This Jon Stewart person and that… that… Col… Colbert? Is that his name? WHATEVER! They are NOT real “news people” like the ones at Fox News! They are COMEDIANS! And… and… they say they’re not […]
Posted inGirls Only!
It’s White Power/Breast Cancer Awareness Day, Ya’ll!
In case you’re wondering, racists get breast cancer, too! That’s why it’s vitally important for all racists—no matter what color they are, but they better be white—to check your private parts RIGHT FUCKING NOW for any sign of breast cancer…. especially in your testicles. EXTREMELY AWKWARD PEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAACCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Oh, look. She also does an extremely awkward […]
Posted inHillbilly
Dispatch #3 from Pendleton: Join this Punk Band.
The largest rodeo west of Texas is over for another year. It’s raining, the city feels quiet and empty. Yesterday was nonstop. The last day of the rodeo started with cowboy breakfast, a Veterans of Foreign Wars Post #922 tradition. The vets feed 4,000 people at long picnic tables over the course of four days […]