First of all, I’m not one of those punk ass bitches who are “afraid of clowns.” I could give two shits about clowns, and figure I could beat a battalion of them with two arms and one leg tied behind my back. RONALD McDONALD IS A DIFFERENT STORY. He’s just WRONG, man. I was stuck […]
Horrors
Posted inPuppy
KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL ITTTTTTTT!!!
The creature, which is over 20 centimetres long and has a bare, gargoyle-like face and furry body, was found in a lake on the Kitchenuhmaykoosib Inninuwug reserve, some 200 kilometres south of Hudson Bay, earlier this month by hikers…. “No one knows what it is, but our ancestors used to call it the Ugly One,” […]
Posted inHorrors
Whack Attack
From the I, Anonymous mail bag: The first time a stranger whacked off in front of me was on Halloween. He was wearing a gorilla mask, and a mechanic’s jumpsuit zipped all the way down with his cock in a penis pump. I was drunk and thought it was just a nasty costume until he […]
Posted inHorrors
EARTHQUAKE WARNING!! FOR CALIFORNIA!! OREGON!! AND… UMM.. OTHER PLACES!!!
Look. You can either laugh at this guy, or you can bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. I’m choosing the latter. Actually, I’m going to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye, but maybe that’s a little too much information at the moment. EARTHQUAAAAAAKE!!
Posted inFood and Drink
Hankering for a Cup of Shrek’s Minty Jizz?
McDonalds is here to please! Via Towleroad via Buzzfeed via Hell.
Posted inHorrors
This Picture Scares the Crap Outta Me
Alexx Henry Kenny Rogers, Miley’s teeth, the dolls (oh, the dolls). Eeek.
Posted inLuv
Matt Davis is Leaving the Building…
A gentle reminder that our own Matt Davis is leaving the comfortable (?) confines of the Mercury to move to New Orleans (AKA “Mosquitoville, USA). If you’d like, join us at Club 21 (corner of NE 21st and Sandy) this afternoon starting at 5 pm and going until “who the eff knows” to celebrate a […]
Posted inMovies & TV
“We’re Going to Need A Bigger Piranha Fighting Boat.”
Now you may be asking yourself, “Why would I want to watch the new and improved trailer (vs. the old teaser) for Piranha 3D? I hate 3D, and I hate piranhas.” Well, I have 10 words for you: Elisabeth Shue Richard Dreyfuss Jerry O’Connell Ving Rhames Christopher Lloyd! (And even better? Christopher Lloyd is playing […]
Posted inSex
This Is Me, Slowly Going Insane.
JESUS CHRIST. I get into work today on time for once and all ready to do shit and then the internet foils my plans by making me feel like I’m going insane. First there’s this. It weirds me out that the least authentic thing about this is fake Sam Elliott’s fake mustache. I mean, isn’t […]
Posted inCats
Monday Morning Cat Attack!
It started out as just another fun day of tossing the ball around the living room for babysitter and junior. But then? Then a glass broke or something at the :40 second mark (jump to there), and… and… well. I guess Mr. Whiskers had finally had enough of all their bullshit. Poor babysitter. Poor junior. […]
Posted inMedia
The Best Pun of This or Any Other Millennium
Here’s the awful story from England’s The Sun: A CHEF has died after an EEL was put up his bum. Shocked doctors in Sichuan, China, found the sea creature in the 59-year-old man’s rectum after his death, it has been reported. The 50cm long Asian swamp eel was allegedly inserted into the unnamed man’s bottom, […]