My continuing series about “teaching you how to do stuff” continues! Another thing a lot of you people have been saying in the comments is, “Hump. Nobody headbutts or elbowbutts better than you. WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?” Well, though I was originally planning to use a headbutt or elbowbutt on you—I’m feeling generous. But I’m […]
Oh, You Kids!
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Teach Me How to “Strut,” Hump!
Jesus Christ, you people. I seriously don’t know what you’d do without me. OKAY, LET’S DO THIS! You’ve been begging and begging in the comments, so I finally grabbed a videographer and shot this instructional video on how to do the “Drum Major Strut.” WATCH MY FORM CAREFULLY. And if I see any of you […]
Posted inBooks
Best Drag Queen Rendition of Are You My Mother? EVARRR!!
Shangela—the absolutely fabulous contestant from RuPaul’s Drag Race (seasons 2 & 3)—reads an absolutely fabulous rendition of the classic kid’s book Are You My Mother?… and I wish she would never ever stop. Gather ’round, children! Get More: Watch Reality TV, Video and Movies, Logo TV Via!
Posted inCops
“If It Goes High in the Air or Gets You High, You Should Probably Use It in the Evergreen State”
Sarah Mirk This morning, a minute after midnight, non-medicinal, I-just-want-to-smoke-myself-stoopid pot became legal across the Columbia. That kind of pot, of course, is not legal in Portland. But Vancouver is SO CLOSE YOU COULD WALK THERE. AND COME BACK. Naturally, that could be a problem for Portland cops charged with upholding Oregon’s more draconian (by […]
Posted inBooks
Schools Are Teaching Less Fiction Because Fiction Isn’t Helpful for Shitty Business Jobs
Melville House ruined my morning with this story: The Common Core guidelines, which have been adopted in 45 states and three territories, call for schools and teachers to boost reading of nonfiction, so that by twelfth grade most students are reading more ‘informational text’ than fictional literature. By 2014, the required ratio will be 50% […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
All Hail Kelsey Whyte: The World’s Greatest Photobomber
It’s pretty simple, really—douchey nightclub The Mansion takes pictures of its douchey clientele, and non-douchey Kelsey Whyte photobombs the shit out of them. All hail, Kelsey! Many more hilarious bombs here.
Posted inTV
Today in Horrifying Elevator Pranks
Check out this clip from the Brazilian variety show Programa Silvio Santos, in which unsuspecting elevator riders pick up an absolutely terrifying hitchhiker along the way. (Pro Tip: Hey Brazilians! If you hate children so much… STOP HAVING THEM.) via
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Your New Favorite Kid: Maximus Thor
Maximus Thor is the newest (and best) series of hilarious internet videos starring a young boy with a very distinctive voice, that were directed by the kid’s dad, Benjamin Barak. (Lucky kid.) MAXIMUS THOR IN 2016!! (Wait… make that 2028!!) See lots more Maximus here!
Posted inCity Hall
In Unsurprising News, Fluoride Cleared for 2014 Vote
It’s almost official. Portlanders will probably get to vote—yet again.. ugh…—on the wisdom of joining much of the rest of the United States in joining one front in the ongoing war against childhood tooth decay by adding fluoride to our municipal supply. The city auditor’s office says a referendum challenging the Portland City Council’s unanimous […]
Posted inFashion
Blackheart: Lingerie for the Hot Topic Mall Rat
Those who know me know I love me some Hot Topic in the mall! (I also love Hot Dog on a Stick in the mall—because they have the most awesome uniforms… but that’s another story.) Well, now besides having a place to pick up a Justin Bieber t-shirt which is right beside the Megadeth t-shirts, […]
Posted inEthics
Spanking Kids: Apparently This is STILL a Thing
So I was listening to 95.5 today on my way to work—I KNOW, I KNOW, but I have this weird fascination/revulsion thing going on with Taylor Swift’s new song—and the morning show hosts “Cabana Boy and Nikki” (I KNOW, I KNOW) were asking listeners to sound off on how they felt about spanking children… WHICH […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
G.I. Joe—Drone Operator: “We Probably Got Him!”
HEY KIDS! Here’s the newest G.I. Joe action figure for your collection: G.I. Joe—Drone Operator! He bombs the enemy from the safety of a military base! He drinks coffee! He’s… he’s… okay, he’s a little overweight. STILL! G.I. Jooooooooooooooooe! G.I. Joe: Drone Operator – watch more funny videos