One Day at a Time

MONDAY, DECEMBER 29 Last night, Michael Jackson made his first TV appearance since being brought up on charges of “Rubba Rubba” (i.e. child molestation). And today critics are claiming the one-on-one interview with 60 Minutes‘ Ed Bradley made Jackson look more mentally unstable than before. But who are we to judge, right? That’s why we’ve […]

Note from Ann: As another year comes gimping toward the finish line, we’d like to reflect on the events of 2003 that really inspired us–in particular, the catfights. While most people can go their entire lives without seeing a single catfight, they are as common in Hollywood as genital warts on Charlie Sheen’s penis. Therefore, […]

MONDAY, DECEMBER 15 We have some very bad news. It seems that J.LOhas been stricken by the same flu that’s sweeping America–which brings up a horrifying possibility; does this mean she’s just like you and me? The virus, which we here at One Day central are calling the “Celebrity Flu” (it’s so persistent even famous […]

MONDAY, DECEMBER 8 Quick! Somebody get us the number of B.AFF’s publicist, because someone needs to tell him to shut his big fat yap. Last week, we thought we’d heard it all when Ben Affleck made the startling claim that his sex life with J.LO was strictly “routine.” This week, he’s publicly admitted that his […]

MONDAY, DECEMBER 1 Stop the presses! B.AFF admits he sucks in the sack! (And not in the sexually permissible way, either.) In a recent interview, Ben Affleck stated that people would be “shocked” if they knew of his and J.LO’s lackadaisical attempts at coitus. “You’d be bored by my sex life now,” exclaimed the clearly […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 24 Thanksgiving week is tough for gossip columnists and the gossip makers, alike. Frankly, with all the holiday planning, traveling, and enduring tiresome relatives, how can Colin Farrell be expected to impregnate anyone? How is Paris Hilton supposed to finish the 15th volume in her series of amateur internet porn? And how is […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17 After viewing the Paris Hilton Sex Tape on the internet, our hubby Kip made the following observation: “It’s kind of like watching a boring episode of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.” Not exactly a rave review, but let’s not give up on the aspiring porn career of Paris Hilton just yet–because according […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10 Fans of uncomfortable-looking amateur porn rejoiced this week when the Paris Hilton sex tape was unleashed upon the internet. Starring the heir to the Hilton hotel fortune and Rick Salomon (the grateful ex-husband of screeching harpy Shannen Doherty), the flick depicts Paris occasionally repositioning herself to show her best side, taking a […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3 According to the British tabloid The Daily Star, actress Cameron Diaz and pop star Justin Timberlake are engaged to be married–so what are we waiting for? LET’S START TEARING DOWN THEIR RELATIONSHIP. Much like the ill-fated J.LO/B.AFF wedding, it is so obvious that this union is never going to work. Therefore we […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27 Just when you thought Britney Spears would have to toss herself in front of a train to get some media attention, it looks like she may have found the perfect vehicle to regain some fameÉ by dating John Cusack! According to the Daily Star gossip rag, the 21-year-old fading popstress recently met […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 20 Greetings guys and ghouls, and welcome to the special Halloween edition of “One SCREAM at a Time.” And luckily for this week’s theme, a lot of really frightening things transpired, such as this tale we like to callÉ “Liza Minnelli is Trying to Kill Me!” The divorce of David Gest and Liza […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 13 Happy Columbus Day! How did you spend your holiday? That’s very interesting. Here’s how we (along with hubby Kip) celebrated this historic day devoted to the famed Columbus: First we started off with The Goonies. Then we moved on to Gremlins, which believe us, was NOT as good as remembered. That’s when […]