THURSDAY, APRIL 12

8:30 NBC THE OFFICE

Andy returns after taking anger management classes, and applies for the manager position of the anger department.

9:30 NBC ANDY BARKER, P.I.

Season finale! Barker tries to stop a murderer while looking for a kid's stuffed bunny.

FRIDAY, APRIL 13

10:00 SCIFI PAINKILLER JANE

Debut! A hotsy-totsy super spy hunts down genetically altered humans in this new show based on the comic.

SATURDAY, APRIL 14

8:00 ESPN2 HOT DOG EATING CHAMPIONSHIP MARATHON

Three-and-a-half hours of contestants cramming hot dogs down their gullets. Bring the Maalox!

9:00 E! SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

The classic, butt-cringing episode where Ashlee Simpson gets caught lip-synching and responds with a hoedown.

SUNDAY, APRIL 15

8:00 FOX DRIVE

Debut! Drivers make a mad dash across the country when they realize it's tax return day.

11:30 VH1 THE SPRINGER HUSTLE

Debut! A new reality show about what happens behind the scenes on The Jerry Springer Show.

MONDAY, APRIL 16

8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS

The contestants cry foul when Heather Mills performs the samba with a leg borrowed from RoboCop.

9:00 FX 24

It's yet another national crisis when President Wayne Palmer realizes he's not a very believable president.

TUESDAY, APRIL 17

8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL

Country music star Martina McBride teaches the kids how to be moonshine-drinkin' hillbillies.

10:00 FX THE SHIELD

Vic closes in on Lem's killer, which makes Shane uncomfortable. Because... he's like, Lem's killer.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 18

10:00 BRAVO SHEAR GENIUS

Yet another occupational competition show, this time involving hair stylists. What about the sewer workers??

10:00 ABC LOST

After Kate sees Jack smooching Juliet, she turns to Sawyer for some sloppy seconds.