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NOBODY WANTS to say it, but I will. Soccer has fucked up Portland. It’s all soccer’s fault. I don’t hate the game (though it does suck that it replaced the Beavers). I don’t hate the real football fans. It’s all the wannabe hangers-on whooooo think soccer is the shit. It’s not. Take your scarves and […]

I WENT TO the grocery store today to buy some snacks and an apple. As I approached the entrance, there were four people standing there, stopping everyone: “Street Roots here!” “Excuse me, would you like to vote for….” “Hi, would you mind if I talked to you about….” “Hey man, spare some change?” Jesus Christ, […]

A FEW WEEKS BACK, I ran into Walmart at Eastport, looking for a present for my nephew. As I grabbed an action figure, a little toddler boy walked up and tried to hand me a Five Nights at Freddy’s toy. Suddenly, a young lady—late teens with blue streaks in her hair—told him to go with […]

TO THE ASSHOLE construction company that’s building another mega-]mansion where a perfectly good house once stood: You fuckers started padlocking the porta potty!? It’s bad enough that you’re doing what you’re doing, but for fuck’s sake, temporarily supplying the neighborhood with an additional place to piss and shit was about the only contribution you were […]

TO THE ASSHOLE construction company that’s building another mega-mansion where a perfectly good house once stood: You fuckers started padlocking the porta potty!? It’s bad enough that you’re doing what you’re doing, but for fuck’s sake, temporarily supplying the neighborhood with an additional place to piss and shit was about the only contribution you were […]