I’d like to point out a little fallacy in the logic of some proponents of the beer tax. During the first hearing on the issue in Salem a few weeks ago, folks from the Oregon Partnership (a non-profit dedicated to drug prevention) suggested that a proposed 1900% increase in the excise tax on beer would […]
Drunk
Posted inDrunk
Help Me Help You To Slow Your Roll
Back in early January, I posted about Drank, a newish herbal elixir flavored sugar water out on the market that has made an interesting marketing choice by riffing off of the practice of drinking codeine syrup mixed with purple soda (known as “purple drank,” among other nicknames) to get effed up and occasionally die. (Read […]
Posted inDrunk
In Which I Attempt to Drink the Entire Cocktail List
This week’s Recession Proof Mixology has already begun at what I consider one of the most under-rated eateries in the city. Bar Avignon on Division serves beautiful and simple food along side a great cocktail menu and an affordable selection of wine. A recent dish of mussels proved sublime, with thick tender meat and a […]
Posted inBooks
Two Page Minimum: Lowboy
(Welcome to my lackadaisically updated blog column Two Page Minimum, wherein I take a new book out for drinks and give it a few minutes to grab my attention. Two Page Minimum is my judgment on that speed-dating experience.) Who’s your date today? John Wray’s new novel Lowboy, about a sixteen-year-old paranoid schizophrenic convinced that […]
Posted inDrunk
Stopping the City’s Shenanigans
Glory to the puerile and ever hilarious fart machine! Marvel at its ability to bring city council meetings to a screeching halt! I challenge Blogtownies to get a fart machine into a Portland council meeting. It would be so much more fun than listening to all the crying and whining about bridges, Beau Breedlove, and […]
Posted inDrunk
Halloween is Just Around the Corner…
…Okay, well maybe not just around the corner, but you should totally dress up like Octomom, and… OH, CRAP. This chick already beat you to it! Fine. Then maybe you should dress up as a really creepy-looking Ernie, and… OH, CRAP. Tip o’ the hat to Buzzfeed.
Posted inDrunk
Here’s a Post Wherein I Ask a Favor
I know that many Blogtownies are drunkards. Not only drunkards, but helpful drunkards. I have a favor to ask. I’ve been given an assignment to track down infamous regulars, one for each quadrant of the city. For the most part, I’ve been driving to various haunts, asking bartenders if they know of any interesting characters […]
Posted inFood and Drink
Theater: It’s a SIN
People in the service industry work odd hours. It’s a condition of their employment that bars them from certain cultural activities normally scheduled in the evening. As a result, the only theater many bartenders, waiters, chefs, and dishwashers are exposed to is the tragic/comic antics of their customers… And also, auditions: “I’m just gonna bust […]
Posted inMedia
Today in Porn and Three-Foot Sword News…
You: “Ehhh… I’m bored with work. I’m going home to watch some porn.” Me: “Oh, yes? Well, before you do, I would suggest watching this news report about a porn-watching guy who was attacked by a neighbor because he thought someone was being raped.” You: “Okay… sure. I’ll watch it. You always seem to post […]
Posted inDrunk
ShamWow Dub = SHAMTASTIC!
Some days I despise you, internet—but on days like today? With videos like the one below? Today I feel like you’re a magical wizard ejaculating rainbows into my mouth. Please join me in enjoying this overdub of the ShamWow infomercial—now with a hilarious, tear-inducing Jerry Lewis voice. GOOD STUFF!!
Posted inDrunk
Thanks for Disappointing Me Again, “Future”!
You know, I’m getting really sick of the LIES being told to me by “the future.” First the future told me I would eventually get a hover board. That turned out to be BULLSHIT. Then the future told me I could one day expect Social Security. Again… BULLSHIT. But wait! That’s not the worst part! […]
Posted inDrunk
I Am a Sick Bastard
Thanks to Hulu and the Fox “Reality” TV Channel, I’m not sure my soul will ever be clean again. I speak of my current obsession with the show Solitary, which is one of the most painful, despicable, outrageous, and disgusting abuses of television to ever be fed in steaming shovelfuls to the lowest common denominator. […]