You need something to watch over lunch, I’m here to provide it. BEHOLD, A MONKEY RIDING A SEGWAY. (And not just any monkey! Not only does he wear an adorable jumper and helmet, he also makes video game noises when he walks!)
Drunk
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Autumn Boozy Goodness: Ah-choo!
The Cure As evidenced by my sinuses, it’s cold season again. And though I tried, all of the hand washing and esoteric pill popping could not keep the crap from crawling up my schnoz and setting up shop. I feel like I’m in a goddamn diving bell that’s been too pressurized. It’s that bizarre under […]
Posted inBooks
Two Page Minimum: The Flying Troutmans
(Welcome to my lackadaisically updated blog column Two Page Minimum, wherein I take a new book out for drinks, and give it a few minutes to grab my attention. Two Page Minimum is my judgment on that speed-dating experience.)Who’s your date today? The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews, a novel about a 28-year-old woman, Hattie, […]
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What I Want For X-Mas: Part 2
So the other day I showed you that kinda hung doll that pees all the time. I want that for X-mas. I also want this for X-mas: Kota the Robot Triceratops. Why? Because a) it roars, b) it burps, and c) I can ride it around the office, and intimidate the shit out of my […]
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Mom… Stop Telling Me WHAT TO DO!
Sure, kicking pageant moms is like tipping cows, but I’m sorry! Beauty pageant moms who won’t stop prompting their daughter/contestants are always funny! And so are the gay dance instructors that are hired to freak out their four-year-old students. Happily, the following video has both. Tip o’ the hat to Rich Four Four.
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Autumn Boozy Goodness
apropos of nothing but booze and leaves “I really can’t stay…” “But baby it’s cold outside!” “I have to go away…” “But baby I got a fifth of whiskey so we can make some hot toddys and get naked and see what happens when the booze kicks in as we lounge by the fireplace and… […]
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Make Way for Karate Monkey!
Maybe I’ve just burned out on John McCain’s incessant and ridiculous efforts to prove he’s “presidential,” but now I’m even getting cynical about monkeys who want to prove they can do human jobs. Earlier this week I brought you the Japanese waiter monkey who served drinks and hot towels to customers. Today, it’s yet ANOTHER […]
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I’ll Give You Something to Cry About, Crybabies! (Part 1 in a Continuing Series)
Okay, SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY. Enough blubbering and boo-hooing over the rain and the Dow crashing a kazillion points, and how this economic crisis is finally going to force you to get a job. In my new series “I’ll Give You Something to Cry About, Crybabies” I will be giving you something to cry […]
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Paris Hilton: Your Next Fake President?
Where does a candidate for the fake presidency turn when she needs advice? To another fake president of course! Paris Hilton, meet former fake president of The West Wing, Martin Sheen.
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CNN: Making Bush Sound Stupider
The banner was supposed to read: Bush Pledges We Are Going to Overcome This Economic Crisis. Man, that intern is so fired. But at least, he/she gave us all a puerile chuckle. The banner has since been changed. God, I love taking screen shots!
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Autumn Boozy Goodness: And the Winner Is…!
Unofficially Official I know that the only real judge is our Lord in Heaven, but I have to say that if you want me to judge something… I’m there. Cocktail contests, beauty pageants, cat shows, worlds best mustache competitions. I don’t care what it is. Bring it on. This last Wednesday at Bluehour, I helped […]