It’s been almost a year since Tea Baggers held an anti-Obama rally in the Michael’s Italian Beef parking lot. Time for a reunion! With the president coming into town this evening, the radical fringe was out in full force in the sausage mart’s lot this afternoon. The inside of Michael’s Italian Beef was almost as […]
Horrors
Posted inFood and Drink
The Oregonian‘s Non-Foodies Food Guide
The Oregonian wants you to put this is your mouth When the Oregonian dismissed food critic Roger Porter in August, the fear was the Portland’s lone daily would highlight “home-grown chains” instead of, you know, good restaurants. Well, those fears were right. So horribly, horribly right. As mentioned in Good Morning News today, the “non-foodies […]
Posted inHorrors
Japanese Kids vs. Zombie: The Most Heartwarming Battle You’ll See All Day
In this scene from an Asian practical joke show, three Japanese kids are told a zombie is going to attack their house, and they must work together or die. At first you’ll say, “Fuck YOU, Japanese TV for scaring the shit out of these kids!” And then you’ll laugh your ass off at the elaborate […]
Posted inPolitics
“Naked is a Metaphor for Honest”
The Naked Cowboy is running for president. For the Tea Party. I think he may have a few obstacles ahead of him in grabbing a “Tea Party nomination,” since he happens to be someone who makes a living off his own nudity, and is trying to appeal to the same voters who bought THIS TAPE […]
Posted inTransportation
Today in HOLY SHIT! Now That’s a Car Chase!
You simply MUST watch this amazing video of a driver fleeing police in Brazil, who manages to smash into multiple vehicles, run over more than a few motorcycle cops, and STILL not get shot. WOW. (And to make things even more exciting, there’s a Brazilian news anchor screaming the entire time in Portuguese! My heart… […]
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 3
It’s been a good week for doom. So, what wants to kill me this time? [WARNING: DISTURBING CONTENT—Ed.]: 1. Lions, tigers and bears, oh my! Individually, these assholes are already typical subjects in my column. But this week, as we’ve seen from a ridiculously dense amount of MSNBC coverage, all three of these animals are […]
Posted inHorrors
And Now Here’s Creepy Insane Lady with the Weather
In this classic vid, a TV weather lady informs us that we can expect beautiful sunny skies this week—unless of course we’re having our throats slit by a radical faction of Bolsheviks who will then collect our skin to form into bologna and cheese sandwiches which will be fed to the wedding guests of a […]
Posted inHorrors
You Win, Snickers! I Will Never Eat Your Candy Bar Again.
… Or go to the grocery store for that matter. Brrrrrr….
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 2
I was going to make this a weekly installment, but I realize now that there are way too many awful things out there that need attention. So it’s going to be twice a week. I’m doubling your dose. Of fear. So, what wants to kill me this week? 1. Dolphins… but wait a minute According […]
Posted inHorrors
AAAUGGGHHH! Giant Penguins!!!!!
OMG GIANT PENGUINS ARE REAL!!!!!!! It’s totally true, I swear to god. Look! The BBC wrote about it: The fossil of a giant penguin that lived 36 million years ago has been discovered in Peru… The bird, named Inkayacu paracasensis, or Water King, waddled the Earth during the late Eocene period. Okay, so there aren’t […]
Posted inTech
Guys! Check Out My New iPhone Case!
So maybe my new iPhone case doesn’t fit correctly right now… but give it time. GIVE… IT… TIME. via
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 1
I’ve been a Mercury intern for about four weeks, and spend all day browsing headlines for disturbing things to blog about. From a post about animal attacks I wrote on Thursday, I discovered something about myself. Nearly all of my ideas are inspired by an innate sense of dread I feel every waking minute, exacerbated […]