Let’s play “YOU BE THE UNLICENSED DOCTOR” where I describe my current medical malady, and you—as an unlicensed, fairly ignorant armchair physician—try to diagnose my problem! OKAY! HERE ARE THE SYMPTOMS: I wake up this morning, eat breakfast (Nature’s Best Optimum Power with vanilla soymilk and bananas), and walk into the bathroom where MY RIGHT […]
Horrors
Posted inTransportation
Your Morning Chant
On Saturday night, Delta flight 4591 had to make an emergency landing at JFK when one of its landing wheels refused to come down. (It’s so hard to find good help these days.) ANYWAY! Check out this passenger’s cell phone footage of the harrowing landing. (SPOILER ALERT! Everyone lived.) OH, and this is also your […]
Posted inHorrors
Here’s That Kid You Wanted!
I know a lot of you guys are concerned about your diminishing sperm counts and you gals are worried about your barren vaginas. BUT DON’T FRET! Japan is always coming up with new, interesting ways of satisfying basic human needs—especially when it comes to robotics! Check out this animatronic child that could be yours if […]
Posted inHorrors
Tornado in Brooklyn, Anyone? Anyone?
So there was a tornado in Brooklyn yesterday. BROOKLYN. Let’s go the video. For these guys, it must have been like spotting an unironic hipster. More footage, this time from inside the cameraman’s apartment. Things get hot around the 1:30 mark. Sorry if I’m not overly impressed, but I grew up in Alabama in tornado […]
Posted inHorrors
Some People Have All the Luck
And some people are just idiots who deserve to get hit by trains. The video below has both kinds of people. It’s too long and the music is annoying, but that’s the Internet for ya. TL;MA. Don’t miss 5:20 and 7:55.
Posted inArtsy
Buff Phil Collins? Thank You, Art.
I know fine art when I see it, and Phil Collins is looking fine. Local musician/artist Jay Winebrenner has a new art show entitled PHIL’D OUT which reimagines the Genesis leader as I have always seen him—a flextactular piece of muscular man-meat. The show is running all this month at Tiga (1465 NE Prescott), so […]
Posted inMusic
“Rap Against Rape”
For all those still unsure about the morality of rape and/or awesomeness of rap, here’s some conclusive evidence from the 1990s. Thank you, Best Week Ever.
Posted inFood and Drink
Salmonella, Backyard Chickens, and You
As the largest egg recall in American history continues to unravel (find out if you have a dozen of those bad boys here), there should be plenty of holier-than-thou backyard chicken fetishists who feel quite smug, believing their precious hens are laying disease-free eggs. Considering I get my eggs through the Eastside Egg Co-op, operating […]
Posted inTech
Chatroullette Still Good for Something!
Remember Chatroullette? And how we thought it was like the most awesome thing ever for two weeks until we completely forgot about it and moved on with our lives? Well, CR is apparently still around and teenage boys are still on there, desperately waiting for a chick to show off her chest meat. Happily, the […]
Posted inHorrors
Happy Birthday, Zoriadon! (From the bald guy with swastikas on his head)
This has got to be the most horrifying birthday message to a three-year old I’ve ever heard. (BTW, Zoriadon? Do NOT, NOT, NOT show up at the corner of Broadway and Pearl! That’s not “Paradise” he’ll be taking you to!)
Posted inHorrors
Going to IKEA Will Make You Feel like a Failure
I had never been shopping at the Portland IKEA until last night, when I trekked to Cascade Station and spent three hours under IKEA’s practical, reasonably priced lighting. And now I feel like a failure. Here is why: 1. When you get off the MAX train, you will crave a smoothie and head to Jamba […]