Video: Exclusive: ‘Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son’ Trailer UPDATE: So apparently that trailer isn’t working anymore. (OH NO BIG MOMMA’S SO FAT SHE BROKE THE INTERNET.) Here’s the next best thing I could find: A video of a lonely child rambling semi-incoherently about how excited he is for Big Momma’s House: Like Father Like […]
Horrors
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 5
I have good news. People are surviving things. Awful things. Things that should screw them up real bad. But that doesn’t mean you should give the universe any slack, because in reality, we’re not getting any more wily — the universe is just getting tired and lazy in it’s old age. So then, what wants […]
Posted inHorrors
Best Halloween Costume Ever: Rontoms Becomes WTF Rontoms
This paper isn’t the only local business to go to absurd lengths for Halloween. East Burnside watering hole Rontoms really went all out for All Hallows’ Eve, remodeling the entire bar to become an ultra-generic corporate family restaurant called WTF Rontoms. This includes a gigantic photo menu—see it in its full splendor after the jump—with […]
Posted inHorrors
BREAKING: Some Trick or Treaters are Dicks.
Looking at KGW’s site today, and I saw this… And I was like, OH COME ON! You bunch of old fuddy-duddies have nothing better to do with your time than to hassle teens trying to score some free candy? Maybe you’d be happier if they were egging your house! Anyway, that’s what I WAS thinking […]
Posted inHorrors
‘Tis the Spooky-Scary Season…
..so please enjoy the incredible full version of Tracy Jordan’s “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.”
Posted inHorrors
What NOT to Dress as for Halloween!
HEY BLOGTOWNIES!As you know, there are always a lazy few who wait until the last minute to think up a Halloween costume. These procrastinators eventually and invariably come up with a half-ass outfit that has the potential of ruining a perfectly good Halloween party. BUT THIS YEAR, IT’S GONNA BE DIFFERENT.Because this year, I would […]
Posted inHorrors
Happy Bieber-ween, Everybody!
This person carved a pumpkin to look like Justin Bieber, and… AAAUUUUGGGGHHH!!!
Posted inHorrors
Tonight’s Nightmare Today!
Look, Japan! This “robot” thing you keep trying to do is not working out. Every time you try to make your robots more realistic, I lose countless hours of sleep thanks to night terrors. I’m kinda starting to think THAT’S YOUR INTENTION, ya know?? As they say on Full House, “CUT… IT… OUT!!”
Posted inHorrors
I, Anonymous, Will Not Be Coming In Costume
Fun ruiners everywhere will relate to this angry tale of woe as we head into the most heavily costumed week of the year: Dearest Halloween party-throwers—Go eff yourself! Yeah, you’re right, I showed up to your crappy little party without a costume. Sorry if I just caused the universe to end and ruined any chance […]
Posted inBooks
Nobody Is Poisoning Halloween Candy
The Wall Street Journal has a great story about how America has gone stranger-danger-crazy, especially on Halloween: Halloween is the day when America market-tests parental paranoia. If a new fear flies on Halloween, it’s probably going to catch on the rest of the year, too. Take “stranger danger,” the classic Halloween horror. Even when I […]
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 4
I’m pleased to say that things are cooling off. This post actually covers about two weeks of nightmare headlines, which is a great improvement over previous weeks where I could not fit everything into one post. Why are we suddenly safer? Probably because everybody in America is reading this column, and thus have wisely started […]
Posted inHorrors
Meet Polly: Today’s Daymare
Polly kind of looks like my Aunt Wanda after the stroke. Anyway, at least now I know what I’m dressing up as for Halloween! Thanks (?) WOW!