Over on his cranky blog, Jack Bogdanski is complaining about how Mayor Sam Adams blocked him on Twitter. That is a pretty dumb move on the part of Adams’ office, but Bogdanski shouldn’t whine about the tactic. After all, he’s the one who blocked the Mercury news teams’ computers from his site back in 2007. […]
Horrors
Posted inHorrors
Do Not Kiss the Monkey
Look. I’m happy that you and your family have found a way to entertain yourselves—and sure, it’s funny… at first. But when you ask the kid to “kiss the monkey”? That reminds me WAY too much of the time my Uncle Raymond told me he had a baby giraffe hiding inside his pants. Cut… it… […]
Posted inMusic
If I Ever Catch on Fire, I Hope Diddy’s Friend Kevin Hart is Not There to “Help”
At a release party for Diddy’s new album, a hot tub girl’s hair catches on fire. There are two things we can learn from this:1) Diddy Kevin Hart is the last person you want around when your hair catches on fire.2) Diddy Kevin Hart should probably never become a volunteer firefighter.3) Diddy Kevin Hart should […]
Posted inTV
And THIS is How You Kill a Zombie
Every Christmas season there seems to be at least one zombie outbreak—and it’s usually right on the busiest shopping weekend of the year, AM I RIGHT? Well, just in case you need any reminders on how to dispatch a zombie, check out this supercut of every zombie death from the first season of The Walking […]
Posted inHorrors
The Amazing Rape-O Presents… “Wack Your Pack!”
Do you believe in the power of MAGIC? I do, too! Especially when the magician in question is Paul Harris, better known as “The Amazing Oh Shit, I’m Pretty Sure This Guy is Gonna Rape Me. STOP TOUCHING MY HAND!!!” (He should probably work on getting a better stage name.) Via.
Posted inSex
Mercury Employee “Dance of the Day”
CONFIDENTIAL TO MERCURY EMPLOYEES: Guys. I’m getting pretty sick of saying this. But if you don’t want our “Planet Rock” halftime performance at tonight’s Blazers vs. Orlando game to completely suck donkey dick, THEN YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO PRACTICE!! Since I already know MY part of the routine, I’ve embedded this video of professional dance […]
Posted inEvents
Rudolph the Skull-Punctured Reindeer
Once again the city of Richmond, Virginia ruins everything for everybody. Christmas is over, you guys. Turn out the lights when you leave.
Posted inCrime
Yes, Yes, Y’all, It’s My Last Day
Welp, it’s my last day as a Mercury apprentice, which means so many things: 1) I can finally look my boss, Wm.™ Steven Humphrey, directly in the eyes (he has a strict “apprentices will not look me in the eye” rule).2) I won’t be getting flipped off every… single… day.3) I’ll no longer be forced […]
Posted inHealth
Careful Up There!
iStockphotos One of the first death’s due to holiday related activities occurred this past weekend. In Pennsylvania, fifty-nine year old Alan Dankel Jr. fell to his death while attempting to put up Christmas lights on his roof. It was part of his post-Thanksgiving routine. He died of head trauma after trying to untangle some lights […]
Posted inMusic
There’s Hope for You Yet, Struggling Musician!
Hey there, struggling musician. Chin up. I know it’s hard to make it out there as a musician. I know there’s plenty of competition, and lots of other players who are as good as or better than you. Yes, it can be hard to get gigs, to get fans, to be heard, to stand out […]
Posted inHorrors
Baby Laugh a Lot: I’m Not Laughing
Okay, so maybe I’m too late for Halloween, but Baby Laugh a Lot is still perfect for Christmas. That is, if Christmas also includes blood-curdling laughter and some of the most horrific children you’ve ever seen. Oh, Baby Laugh a Lot… you’re a SCREAM.