Fashion (of some form) has turned around and embraced that which is, in its very existence, fashion’s greatest affront (yes, even worse than UGGs): TEVAS. The most disturbing thing about this is that at first glance (albeit after Steve prefaced it by saying that I would puke, and that it was “cruel to my entire […]
Horrors
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 7
Since this is my closing week as an intern at the Portland Mercury, this will be the last post in my ongoing series of round-ups about horrific dangers we don’t yet know we should be afraid of. But I hope that with the conclusion of this segment, you will keep this terror thriving on your […]
Posted inFood and Drink
If the Romans Had Celebrated Thanksgiving…
Holy shit, I can already feel the hot, sour bile inching its way past my epiglottis and into the back of my salty, spit-filled mouth! This isn’t just gluttony. This is 79,000 calories of beautiful, cardinal sin: A quail stuffed in a Cornish hen stuffed in a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Whip Yo Hair, Possessed Gurl!
What happens when you mash up The Exorcist with Willow Smith’s “Whip My Hair”? A video that makes one reconsider the severity of being possessed by the devil. WHIP IT, GURL!
Posted inPortland
Winter Death Blast 2010 is Almost Here!! PANIC!!! PANIC!!! PANIC!!!
ALERT!!! ALERT!!! ALERT!!! This just in from the Department of Transportation!!! As the predicted storm front heads south into the Portland Metro area, temperatures are dropping. The forecast for this evening predicts that temperatures will hit the freezing level around 5:00 p.m. The City of Portland and its partners are prepared for a likely mix […]
Posted in?!?!?
Finally, a Towel for Teabaggers!
Ummm… not those kind of teabaggers. The real teabaggers. And actually, maybe not even for them. Get ready for your “EEWWWWWWWWW!!!” of the morning! If you need to point a finger, here’s the company advertising this.
Posted inArtsy
This is the Person Who Ruined Poetry Forever
True, poetry has been “ruined” for a very long time—but this video officially burns and salts the poetry earth, ensuring that it fucking stays ruined for the rest of eternity. BEHOLD! A woman reciting poetry, dancing naked in the rain. The first half minute will make your jaw automatically lock shut. The second half minute […]
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 6
It would be too easy for me to point out that we aren’t keeping good track of our missiles these days. So I’ll focus elsewhere. If you believe the feds that it was an airplane, good for you. Somewhere there’s a “weather balloon” laughing at you through it’s facial tentacles. Moving on. What wants to […]
Posted inHorrors
Tonight’s Urination Nightmare… TODAY!
The other day I noted that the Japanese are no longer using technology to elevate humankind—instead they’ve decided to just start fucking with us. There was this horrible thing, and then there was this horrible thing. Now they’ve moved their fucked up technology into the public bathrooms (this one’s in a bar near Tokyo), where […]
Posted inComic Books
PREDICTION: Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark Will Be the Worst Thing Since Spingtime for Hitler.
You’ve gotta give the producers of Julie Taymor’s Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark some credit: Despite being burdened with an incredibly stupid title, “acrobatic rehearsal sequences” that have apparently been designed to kill actors, fleeing cast members, and ass-clenchingly bad production design and music, they’re still powering forward, insistent on unleashing this unholy monstrosity upon […]
Posted inHorrors
Tonight’s Nightmare Today
Okay, Japan! Now you’re just fucking with us! YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF MAKING A REALISTIC HUMAN ROBOT! You just want to create these… these… weird, creepy things that look kind of human-ish but with flippers and bodies that just kind of trail off and….GAAAAAHHHHH! Stop it, Japan! I’m fucking serious! STOP… IT!!! via
Posted inHorrors
Today in GAHHHHH! For the Love of Christ HOLD ON, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!
You know what? I don’t understand why people do ANYTHING. And I especially don’t understand why three idiots climbed to the tippity top of the tallest skyscraper in the world, videotaped themselves and posted it to YouTube so the poop that was in my colon would squirt into my underpants. And i especially, ESPECIALLY don’t […]