UGGGHNNNHHH!! Why are you STUPID babies so fucking stupid?!? We give you one thing to do… ONE THING! And you fuck it up. Just stand there, look adorable in your stupid fucking tutus, and dance. And you can’t even do that righ… wait. OMG! The babies are fighting! YES! YES! YES! Beat the stupid out […]
Oh, You Kids!
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: It’s “Pop-si-cle,” STUPID!!
OMIGOD, YOU ARE SO STUPID, YOU STUPID FUCKING BABY!!! Say it with me: “Pop.” NO, NOT “POK!!” Say “Pop.” Now “si.” NO, NOT “STICK,” YOU DROOLING IDIOT!!! “Pop-si-cle.” Popsicle! Say it. OH SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST!! WHO’S YOUR SPEECH THERAPIST?? DAFFY FUCKING DUCK??? POP-SI-CLE, YOU DIMWIT!!!
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Awesome, Awesome Baby
Undeniably, most babies are STUPID. They drool, they crap their pants, they vomit indiscriminately, and they eat their boogers. However, once in a generation a stupid baby comes along that turns out to be… well… AWESOME. What follows is such a baby. WAKE UP, STUPID BABY! WAKE UP AND BE AWESOME! Stupid, awesome baby. Hat […]
Posted inMusic
The Most Adorable Sabotage
Beastie Boys – Sabotage / MCA tribute from James Winters on Vimeo. In which Spike Jonze’s video for the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage”—once the bane of MTV censors—serves as the basis for (A) a delightful family bonding exercise and (B) the most adorable tribute to Adam Yauch I can possibly imagine. Thanks to Ted Douglass and […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Racist Monkeys on a Trampoline
This morning I brought you a fantastic clip of the “table/feet juggling” talents of The Baronton Sisters from a 1969 episode of The Ed Sullivan Show. And while doing my research, I also stumbled upon another clip from the show… this time starring racist monkeys on stilts and a trampoline. After watching this clip, I […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Every Child Deserves a Mother and a Father
Yesterday Obama said that listening to his kids talk about their friends with same-sex parents helped bring him around on the issue of marriage equality. Parenting expert Bristol Palin weighs in: While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads. In this case, it […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Juggling Advice for Hippies
Dear Portland Hippies: The weather is warming, and already I’m seeing you practicing your juggling and fire spinning skills on the lawn of the waterfront. Question: Why are you so LAME? This is Portland, where we celebrate the weird, so why are you still juggling balls? Take a tip from France’s The Baronton Sisters who […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Oh, You Japanese Kids, and Your Crazy Vegetable Dances
Providing your Wednesday morning with a healthy dose of Whaaaat Thaaaaa Faaaaaack??? here’s the Kyary Kids with their pro-vegetable dance number, “Vegetarhythm.” And as a vegan, I think you’ll… SHUT UP, VEGAN! Fine.
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: The Housecleaner
CLEAN MY HOUSE, YOU STUPID BABY!! What??? What are you using to clean that table top? Haven’t you ever heard of a sponge, stupid? And why don’t you take off that stupid jacket?? You look like albino Michael Jackson, for the love of stupid Christ. Look… just… just… OMIFUCKINGGOD, JUST NEVERMIND!!! I’ll do it myself!! […]
Posted inTV
Bill O’Reilly: Experimenting with Being an Asshole Again
In another edition of “SHUT UP, BILL O’REILLY,” Bill slammed the makers of Glee for including a transgendered teen (played by Alex Newell) on their show. From the New York Daily News: “Here’s the problem with a show like this, though,” O’Reilly said in the segment of his Thursday night show, “The O’Reilly Factor”, flagged […]
Posted inMovies & TV
LOL! Miley Cyrus! ROFL! IRL!
Guys! Kids have it TOUGH. Which is why, as a parent of three growing teens (Jake, Chip, and Tisha), you owe it to your children to go see the upcoming Miley Cyrus movie LOL. (Note: “LOL” is teen lingo for “Lots o’ luck” which is what a teen really needs to navigate the nutty world […]
Posted inTV
Game of Thrones Kids Sing Game of Thrones Theme
In the season one Blu-Ray edition of Game of Thrones, the GoT kids Arya, Sansa and Bran Stark (played by Maisie Williams, Sophie Turner, and Isaac Hempstead Wright) get their very own commentary track, and wisely use it to adorably sing the Game of Thrones theme. Check it out! Very cute, kids. Next up: describing […]