Jesus, you stupid, stupid baby!! When I put you in your crib, I expect you to stay in your crib! Not try to escape, and hilariously embarrass yourself like the stupid, stupid baby you are! Apparently, I’m the only smart person in this family—because I had the wherewithal to set up a video camera so […]
Oh, You Kids!
Posted inEvents
The Fabulous Return of… SKATE-A-ROKE!
IT’S BACK! The most popular and insanely hilarious night of the Mercury’s Winter of Fun™ series… SKATE-A-ROKE! Our first edition of Skate-a-Roke back in January was such a success, we’re doing it again—it’s coming up on Monday, March 12, and it’s gonna be more fun than ever! Instead of the dreary Top 40 pop one […]
Posted inPolitics
Modern Parenting in America
Via Mike Russell, who correctly introduced the clip with “GAAAAH.”
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: The Little Drummer Boy
Oh… my… god. Look at this stupid—albeit admittedly talent—baby playing the drums! Why is he SO stupid? Three reasons!! 1) You think you’re going to make a career out of playing the drums, you stupid baby? You’re not Tito Puente! (Click on the blue letters to learn who Tito Puente is, you stupid baby.)2) Ever […]
Posted inTV
The Best Article You Will Ever Read About Pete & Pete
Here’s a must read for fans of the hilariously surreal Nickelodeon TV series from the mid-90s, The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Author Mathew Klickstein offers an incredibly thorough history of the show, how it was made, the people and underground stars involved, and why shows like this may probably never be made again. Here’s […]
Posted inSex
Driving Around With a Tied-Up Naked Woman is Apparently a Crime Even If She Agrees to Do It
Of course, nothing this interesting ever happens when I’m shopping at this New Seasons. But earlier today, cops report, a bunch of shoppers at the store up on North Interstate got an eyeful when a naked lady was spotted tied up—with her mouth duct-taped shut—in the back of a Subaru pulling out of the store’s […]
Posted inTV
Here’s That Care Bear Reboot You’ve Been Waiting For
Of course this is going to happen and now the only question is why it didn’t happen sooner: American Greetings Properties is rebooting their most profitable property/product, Care Bears, because they don’t have enough money, and you don’t have enough shit cluttering up your house. Seriously, they think you will buy anything, and at least […]
Posted inFood and Drink
Finally! We Have the Recipe for Toddlers & Tiaras‘ “Go-Go Juice”!
via TLC Perhaps you remember this video which Courtney called “the worst/best six minutes of your life”? It’s from the absolutely batshit crazy reality show Toddlers & Tiaras, and features a little 6-year-old squidbilly named Alana whose terrible mom jacks her up on something she calls “Go-Go Juice” (that comes out of a creepily nondescript […]
Posted inTV
Today in “Learning Your Primary Colors”
Primary colors can be confusing!! There’s no shame in that. That’s why OK Go! has furnished Sesame Street with the following clever music video that not only easily explains what happens when primary colors get mixed together, the song is sure to be stuck in your head all day. (That’s a good thing, right?)
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Mind Your Tweets
Two British tourists were arrested after Homeland Security didn’t get their Family Guy Twitter jokes: Two British tourists were barred from entering America after joking on Twitter that they were going to ‘destroy America’ and ‘dig up Marilyn Monroe’. Leigh Van Bryan, 26, was handcuffed and kept under armed guard in a cell with Mexican […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Kix-Eating Iguana!
Jesus Christ, look at this stupid iguana! He’s sitting on a table… eating a bowl of KIX AND BANANAS!! Hey… HEY!! Stupid fucking dumbass iguana!! What the fuck is it that you think you are you doing??? There’s a fat, juicy kid sitting right next to you, and you’re eating a fucking bowl of Kix […]