As you have probably surmised by this point, I believe “babies” to be the stupidest beings on the planet. HOWEVER! Certain babies—while still undeniably idiotic—are kind of okay. Take this baby for example, who probably knows he’s never getting smarter, so at least he has a good attitude about it. OH! You filthy, filthy baby.
Oh, You Kids!
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: The Snort
OMG. The internet is positively brimming today with stupid, mouth-breathing babies who don’t know their asshole from a pacifier. In this installment, a dipshit baby thinks it’s the height of hilarity to hear his father make a snorting sound. Too bad Two and a Half Men is going off the air, we just found the […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: The Toy Dinosaur
Yet more proof that babies are the most fucking stupid idiots on the planet. (Seriously, guys! When are you gonna figure this out? I’m starting to think you’re as stupid as they are.) ANYWAY! Check out this drooling moron of a baby who is so terrified of his Toy Story dinosaur… that HE KEEPS TURNING […]
Posted inMusic
Here’s Your Terrible Tuesday Jam, Yo!
So all weekend long I had Rebecca Black’s incredibly terrible yet fascinatingly ear-buggy song “Friday” drumming through my brain, and was ready to declare it the official “Spring Jam of 2011″—that is until Jenna Rose came along! Also produced by the geniuses at Ark Music Factory (“Sweat shop for the future unsuccessful child star!”), Jenna […]
Posted inReligion
Crazy “God Shakes Japan” Girl Actually a Troll?
The gal who produced the “God is Punishing Japan and Atheists by Giving the Country a Little Shake” video from yesterday, has reportedly come clean to admit she’s just a troll. Watch. Okay, fine, you got me. However, it should be noted that your trolling persona is just about as annoying as your Christian persona, […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: Nose Blowing
Dear anti-abortion idiots: How can you look at a stupid, stupid baby like the one you’ll see in this video, and NOT want to throw your pregnant body down a flight of stairs? This stupid baby is soooooo incredibly, unrelentingly STUPID, he doesn’t know whether to crap his diaper in fear at the sound of […]
Posted inTV
Old-Timey Nickelodeon Shows Back from the Dead!
Fans of classic ’90s teen TV shows rejoice! Teen Nick has announced they will be showing repeats of some of their most beloved tween hits in the midnight-2 am slot—including “Clarissa Explains It All, All That, Rugrats, and Kenan & Kel!” Okay fine… but where the HELL is my fave Nick show, The Adventures of […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
A Very Good Reason Not to Enroll at the University of Lincoln
TomSka made an advertisement designed to boost enrollment at the University of Lincoln—but you know what? It kind of didn’t make me want to go there because a) the campus appears to be regularly attacked by dinosaurs, and b) there’s a very good chance the place might explode. Oh! And also they can’t spell very […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
That’s My Grandpa!
Now I don’t know much about lawyerin’, but I sure would like to figure out some legal way for former Wyoming senator Alan Simpson to adopt me as his grandson. I think I’ve kind of gone off the rails in the last few years, ever since I started hip-hoppin’, blowing j’s, doin’ the watusi, sending […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: It’s Just Ripping Paper, You Stupid Baby!!
A baby erupts into uncontrollable hysterics at the sight of someone ripping paper. YOU, you stupid baby, are the reason shows like Two and a Half Men made it as long as they did! You think ripping paper is funny? Here, watch me dust mop the floor, you drooling little idiot! It’ll be a laff […]
Posted inDrunk
Your New Oscars Drinking Game
As I’m sure you’ve forgotten, the Academy Awards are this Sunday starting at 5:30 pm. As I’m also sure you’ve forgotten, there’s a little column I write called I Love Television™ that in the current issue spotlights the Oscars and a game for getting completely wasted while watching it. It’s called… WM.™ STEVEN HUMP-ME’S ACADEMY […]
Posted inPoll
I’m Pretty Sure I Need a “Street Team”
As I mentioned earlier today, “Kay-dollar sign-HA!” has a “street team”—so why don’t I? There’s no good answer, is there? Here are some reasons I need a “street team”: 1) Sometimes I get the feeling that you “like me,” but you don’t “like me-like me.” Know what I mean? A “street team” could help fix […]