Well, we all know that Suri (the bitch) Cruise likes clothes and spending her parents money ($50,000 monthly allowance much?). And we also know she’s a total bitch (because I say so all the time), but did you guys know that she’s a total bitch to her mom!? I mean Katie kind of has it […]
Oh, You Kids!
Posted inHealth
Study Showing Link Between Autism and Vaccines “An Elaborate Fraud”
A widely-cited British study claiming to show a link between the childhood MMR vaccine and autism has been shown to be “an elaborate fraud.” The science wasn’t just bad, it was made up. A now-retracted British study that linked autism to childhood vaccines was an “elaborate fraud” that has done long-lasting damage to public health, […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
How Not to Kick Someone’s Ass
Everybody is always talking about how China (or is that Japan?) is way ahead of the U.S. in education. Well, they’re only half right! They’re pretty good at immature classroom practical jokes, but WHAT IS UP with their fighting technique? (I watched the last five seconds of this at least 30 times, and I still […]
Posted inMusic
Penguins These Days!
The main problem with young penguins these days is their unnatural love for that crazy, terrible heavy metal music! HA! If you want to call it that! It’s actually just a bunch of horrible noise produced by people who have no respect for… for… STOP THAT “MOSHING” OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT, PENGUIN! What are […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Who Does This Bitch Think She IS??? (Nutcracker Edition)
“Hi, in case you forgot about me, my name is Suri Cruise and I’m a total bitch. Sometimes the media refers to my idiotic parents as “TomKat.” I can’t figure out what that means because I’m a stupid four-year-old that already has a credit card and an iPad despite the fact I can’t even tie […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Bieber Fan Scorned
As reported earlier, some sexy/sweet/smoochy photos of 16-year-old Justin Bieber and his new 18-year-old cougar girlfriend Selena Gomez on their Caribbean vacation have been making the rounds on the internet today, and understandably, das Beeb’s tween fans ARE NOT PLEASED. TMZ has rounded up some of their more descriptive tweets: — roses are red, violets […]
Posted inSex
Beebs and Gomez Sittin’ in a Tree…
… (or in this case, a yacht)… K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Hear that cacophonous sound of shattering glass? That’s the sound of a billion 12-year-old hearts breaking upon seeing these sneaky pix of 16-year-old Justin Bieber and his rumored new gal pal 18-year-old Selena Gomez (Disney’s Wizards of Waverly Place) making out on a yacht over New Years […]
Posted inSex
Police: Middle Schooler Fondled!
First, the headline: Greensburg Middle Schooler Fondled Girl, 12 Yikes, that sounds terrible, doesn’t it? People shouldn’t run around fondling 12-year-old girls, for crying out loud, and I sure hope they caught the middle schooler who fondled that poor girl and—wait a minute. A 12-year-old girl is a middle schooler. So… what we’re talking about […]
Posted inTV
“The Urkel Initiative”
LISTEN UP, MERCURY EMPLOYEES! Management is getting SICK of you people showing up to work with saggy pants and your underwear hanging out. That’s why we’re taking the advice of the following Memphis middle school principal and instituting “THE URKEL INITIATIVE.” Watch.
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Kids Say the Most Face-Punchiest Things
Actually, this kid is pretty funny… until you realize that he’s going to grow up to be yet another entitled dickhole who your daughter will inevitably wind up dating.
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Stupid, Stupid Baby: Little Doctor No
I clearly remember receiving a sharp slap across the chops from my old man if I ever dared utter the word “no” to him. (Especially if it were the answer to “Get Daddy another beer from the fridge.”) He was obviously wrong for doing that. HOWEVER! This stupid, stupid baby has been so very coddled, […]