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The Trash Report
Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: A Special ELECTION TRASH Edition!

Time to rank your vote for the trashiest gossip of election season!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hello there, and welcome to this very special Trash Report, which is all about elections! Listen, if shit goes south on election day and our constitutional rights to things like a free press are dissolved, then there will be no more cool newspapers like this one, so if you’re reading this in print, keep your […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: Lots of Dongs, but Also Some Bras

Time to dig into this week’s can of the trashiest news and gossip!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hi, Trash Pandas, and welcome to another Trash Report! I’m really happy you’re here. You know this season of Love is Blind is bad when I’m working on my column before I’m fully caught up on the episodes. They’re all so charmless! And wtf, all the action happening off camera? I need to know who […]

Posted inElection Guide 2024

THE TRASH REPORT: A Special ELECTION TRASH Edition!

Time to rank your vote for the trashiest gossip of election season!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hello there, and welcome to this very special Trash Report, which is all about elections! Listen, if shit goes south on election day and our constitutional rights to things like a free press are dissolved, then there will be no more cool newspapers like this one, so if you’re reading this in print, keep your […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: A Press Storm, Influencers in an Actual Storm, and Stars: They’re Just Like Us (Mad at Both Aging and Airlines)

Hey, trash pandas! Line up for your weekly can of garbage-y gossip.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hello, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I’m your girl, Elinor Jones. Hey did you all see the story in the news about the woman in Washington who wouldn’t stop feeding raccoons and then she had to call the cops because there were 100 of them surrounding her and she was afraid to […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: Vice Presidential Hopefuls, Pumpkin Hopefuls, and Obama Affair Hopefuls (Me)

Get a load of this week’s hottest gossip… including Elon Musk’s hot brother?!?
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Howdy, hoes! It’s me, Elinor Jones. Welcome back to the Trash Report! I’ve missed you. Last week the internet was trying to kill me and my posts kept breaking and my resilience is such that I had to lie down on the floor for seven days until a new deadline beckoned. Now I’m back and […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: But Make It Art

In this very special artsy edition, we discuss Killer Mike at the Portland Symphony, the new PDX airport ceiling, and the first-ever Portland Weird Fest.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hi everybody, and welcome to this Very Special Trash Report! For the uninitiated, the Trash Report is my weekly column where I make jokes about silly things that happen in the news and gossip. I’m going to do that for this print issue, but about ~ART~ which I’m highly qualified to do, in that I […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Winona Ryder and Good Guys, Meghan McCain and Bad Hair

All the week’s gossip—and a peck on the forehead from Jeff Bridges.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hello, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to The Trash Report. I’m your girl, Elinor Jones. Hey, did you know that our Fall Arts Guide is out? It’s true! So many smart people contributed insightful commentary, and yours truly also wrote some silly jokes in a special Arts Trash Report. “But Elinor,” you say, “it’s not technically […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Private Planes and Film Festival Pains

Let’s go, trash lovers! It’s time for your H-O-T-T-Ohhhhh-G-O gossip.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hello Trash Pandas, and happy day-after-Labor Day! Like (hopefully) every one of you, I honored Labor Day by not crossing the picket lines at Fred Meyer’s or New Seasons, and let me tell you, my grocery shopping has never been more fucked! I’ve been hitting up QFC and Winco and cannot find a damn thing. […]

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THE TRASH REPORT: “Whatever Makes Sense” DOES Make Sense! Plus Nostalgia and Frogs.

Slip on those rubber gloves… it’s time to dig deep into the gossip dumpster.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Ahoy-hoy, and welcome back to The Trash Report! Sorry to have missed you last week—I was working on a special assignment and I don’t want to give anything away, but if you see a Fall Arts Guide from this very publication, you might want to pick it up. And wow, since I was away from […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Dad Edition! Divorces, New Couples, and New (Proposed) Olympic Sports

Calling all Trash Pandas! Let’s dip our paws into this week’s trashiest gossip.
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hi, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to The Trash Report, or if it’s your first time reading, classic welcome. I’m Elinor Jones. Recently I applied to appear on Pop Culture Jeopardy. I don’t know if I’ll get famous writing, but by god, my encyclopedic knowledge of pop song lyrics and The O.C. surely will. Wish me […]

Posted inThe Trash Report

THE TRASH REPORT: Flag Girlies, Cheese Girlies, and Men Being Veep-y

Get ready to dive into an Olympic-size pool of hot gossip!
Avatar photo Elinor Jones

Hi Trash Pandas! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I’m Portland’s best kept secret, Elinor Jones. We’re at the point in summer when it’s been hot enough for long enough that this weekend I thought about chopping off my hair, to which my male partner said “hmm yeah I could see that,” and thank GOD […]

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