Have you practiced your parallel parking today? I have no real issue with parallel parkers backing up and will gladly wait for you until the traffic lane is clear, but that patience is limited and you need to make your parking effort count. When you are such a pathetic and unskilled vehicle operator that your […]
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Tonight’s Nightmare… Today!
For years science has been keeping a horrifying secret from us… okay, so maybe they haven’t kept it a secret from you, but I didn’t know anything about it until now! Anyway, that secret is DEEP SEA SQUIDS. They live deep underwater—the video below was shot at 7,500 feet—but I see no reason for them […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
Note to I, Anonymous Blog readers: The following submission is not about ME! We all like decent crossdressers. You, sir, are not one. You are a manipulative fetishmonger masquerading as a victimized queer, which I hope you someday realize is a huge insult to true victimized queers and honorable fetishists. YES, I MAY BE A […]
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Rob “Crack Mayor” Ford Holds Press Conference to Address His Pussy-Eating Habits
YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP. Watch now, and marvel along with the stunned attendees. From the New York Post: At a press conference this morning, Mayor Rob Ford addressed the accusation that he tried to go down on a female staffer, one of several complaints filed against Ford in court documents released on Wednesday. […]
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Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? (I do.)
Your theme song for this post: Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? Not Vampire Weekend and not the University of Oxford. Galleycat has reprinted a bit of their style guide: As a general rule, do not use the serial/Oxford comma: so write ‘a, b and c’ not ‘a, b, and c’. But when […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
Today in disgruntled workers… Coming up shortly on my 6 year anniversary here, and seriously, the culture here is fucked. Every time I have a project, I step in piles of shit left by co-workers and previous employees who DID NOT FUCKING DO THEIR JOB! The jsut stick a band aid on it It isn’t […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
Don’t you hate it when a fellow church-goer busts you for visiting strip clubs? ME, TOO!! We go to the same Catholic church in Beaverton. You’re an usher and I sing in the choir. I’m writing this because I want to let you know that I’ve seen you walking around Downtown Portland sneaking into those […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
Just a reminder for those submitting rants and confessions to the I, Anonymous Blog: TRY. Just try a little bit! I’ve been rejecting anonymooses like crazy lately because they’re terribly misspelled one-liners that contain exactly ZERO artistry. Soooo… try a little. Like this person did. If you were sitting next to me right now, I […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
I don’t like football… it is the sport of dullards. Maybe that’s why it took me a second to realize that this person wasn’t talking about his appreciation of people who have coitus with ducks: I love you Duck Fuckers, I love all of you! But why, why is there that one person when you […]
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Nemo Design Posted A Photo of Two Dudes in Blackface on FB
Sooo, what’s more jaw-dropping? The fact that local youth-brand agency Nemo Designs thought it was a good move to post this photo on their Facebook page? Facebook Or the fact that it’s been up since October 21? It also has six “likes.” It’s apparently a photo from some past year’s Halloween festivities, one of many […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
I know this advice only applies to .000001 percent of Portland’s population… and yet? That said, how about we give the whole unicycle and bagpipes thing a rest once the sun goes down. Last night you spent an hour aimlessly riding through Sunnyside and the shit got old after 10 minutes. At the very least […]
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The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o’ the Day!
Note to drivers and cyclists: It is okay to run stop signs if you are originally FROM Portland, Oregon. Please make a note of it! You passed me going up on Southeast Clinton Street to tell me I was a “BUM” because I ran stop signs on s.e. 24th at s.e. Ivon Street? Really? It […]