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Here’s your tip of the day: TIP! Yes, I am just delivering you a cheap Jimmy John’s sandwich. BUT, I am delivering your sandwich by BIKE. You know, using my leg muscles to ride through the rain, wind, and snow to bring you FOOD TO YOUR DOOR. How about a good tip? It doesn’t matter […]

As shocking as it may sound, some Valentine’s Day celebrations don’t go exactly as planned… We had been dating for three months. You spent 1-2 nights per week in my bed, lingering after I go to work. We hadn’t labeled things yet, but we were building something, I was falling for you. So I planned […]

FYI: Here are some handy “do’s and don’ts” titled, “So You Want to Hit on that Cute Asian!” Don’t: 1.) Say how you always wanted to date/fuck an asian girl because I’m not an item on your bucket list.2.) Tell me a story about how you dated a black girl once in middle school. Yeah, […]

You know that whole “enjoying the snow” thing? Apparently you’re doing it all wrong. How about getting off your ass to do something more than get drunk and build a snowman. Shovel your sidewalks and stairs AS IT’S SNOWING! Yes you need to do it 2-3 times a day maybe. Once it’s set up and […]

It’s a winter wonderland outside… and this guy is obsessed with someone making sandwiches on the bus. Here’s to the 20ish year old boy on the bus, in nice black slacks, a nice long sleeve dress shirt, and a tie. I really enjoyed watching you eat your sandwiches today! As you began to make your […]

Oh, here’s someone who doesn’t have a soul. Yes, yes, Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a wonderful actor. He’s dead, and that’s sad. Now let’s all take a deep breath and move on with our lives. It’s not like he was out there curing cancer. I mean, when Nelson Mandela died, all the internet cared about […]

OH… YOU… MEN! As a single woman in PDX, I am appalled at how many men I have met in this town who just want something “casual”. Or they freak out because after going on 5 or 6 dates, they realize they really “like” you, but not ready for a relationship. Then why the F&*K […]

When is a hetero NOT a hetero? When she’s pretending to be a hetero on the I, Anonymous Blog! Being a single hetero female, that is in her 40’s in Portland is tough. I’ve discovered an alluring selection as well as less competition here in the land of lesbians. I’ve decided to switch. I’m sure […]

UGHH! Don’t you just hate “tongue-cluckers”? I don’t know why you found it necessary to shake your head and cluck your tongue at me as I walked by, but for some reason you just really needed me to know that you had no interest in petting my dog. I didn’t stop in the middle of […]

Sometimes I wish my life were a bit more interesting than it is… other times? NOT SO MUCH. Thanks for attacking me the other night Anonymous for NO REASON. I guess I should have listened to everyone who said you were nuts (believe me it was literally everyone who has ever met you). Maybe I […]

Is there such a thing as too much MEAT? RESTAURANTS OF PORTLAND!Pleeeeeaaaaasssseeeee do the world a favor and do not serve 1/2 # hamburgers; it’s too much!A 0.33333 lb burger is the maximum weight EVER required!I’ll eat a 12 oz steak, sure, but not on a bun with cheese, bacon, radioactive-giant-turnip-squid aioli, and an onion […]

Today in the worst thing that’s ever happened to this person EVER: To the idiots at the downtown pizza place who refused service to my hungry 5 year old: When I asked to have a slice of cheese pizza from the pie freshly pulled from the oven, instead of the crusty, obviously ready for the […]